Don't Fool Yourself
by myonlyheroin
Summary: What happens when the life you know is no longer the one you want? You yearn for something more, but you don't want to hurt the people you love in order to make yourself happy. A collab between tiffanyanne & myonlyheroin. Rated M for language & lemons.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hi, everyone! This is a collaboration I've started with Tiffanyanne3(on here and on twilighted. You should read her other stuff as well! I'm writing BPOV, she's writing EPOV. We hope you love it! Each chapter will start with a song lyric that is significant for the chapter. Happy reading!_

"_When you came in, the air went out." _

_~Jace Everett_

**EPOV**

I can't get her out of my head. No matter how hard I try, she's always there. Even if she isn't at the forefront, she's there somewhere. Everything I see reminds me of her in some way. Each song I hear makes me think of her.

But she isn't mine, no matter how hard I wish it were so.

I shake my head hard and try to focus on the song I've been working on for weeks now. I strum a chord. I go over lyrics in my head. My mind wanders straight back to her beautiful face.

"AUGH!" I yell in exasperation. I throw my guitar pick across the room. _I'll never find that again, _I think as I survey the mess around me, an accumulation of random items thrown in frustration.

Sighing, I allow myself to briefly dwell.

_The first time I saw her, she was standing in the middle of Emmett's kitchen in a pair of baggy jeans, a tank top, and tap shoes. She had a slice of pizza in one hand and a cell phone in the other, and she was apparently practicing a shuffle-ball-change step over and over again. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen._

_"I read somewhere that dance lessons can help with klutziness," she was babbling into her phone. _

_Shuffle-ball-change, shuffle-ball-change._

_Her perky breasts bounced with every step, and my eyes eagerly followed the movement. "So I got a pair of tap shoes and a DVD. I wonder if it's working yet?" _

_She paused, and I heard a muffled voice coming from the phone. At that moment, half of the pizza slice broke off and fell at her feet, where Emmett's dog Jake was eagerly waiting. She slipped on some of the sauce, but caught herself before she hit the ground._

_I watched as her gorgeous face fell. "I guess not," she mumbled. "Hey Ang, I gotta go. Talk to you later."_

_She looked at me then, seeming to notice me for the first time as I stood awkwardly at the entrance of the kitchen. She grinned. "You must be Edward."_

_I couldn't help but smile back at her. "The one and only." _

_"I'm Bella," she told me as she tossed the remainder of the pizza to Jake, who trotted off merrily after claiming his prize. "Bella Swan." She held her hand out to me. _

_I nodded and took the hand she proffered. "I've heard a lot about you." God, her hand is so soft..._

_Her smile broadened. "Good things, I hope." She winked at me and I almost fell to my knees and begged her to be mine._

_"Of course he's only heard good things about you, baby." My friend Emmett had just come through the door to the garage, wiping his hands on a rag. He kissed Bella's cheek, and she squealed. _

_"You're all sweaty and greasy!" she giggled. _

_He nipped at her ear, and she ran to the other side of the kitchen, tap shoes clicking against the floor, and hopped up onto the counter. _

_"Hey man," Emmett greeted me. He opened the fridge, grabbed two beers, and tossed one to me._

_"What's up?" I acknowledged my friend of five years. "Working on the bike?" _

_He nodded and took a swig from the bottle in his hand. "It's too damn hot out there."_

_My eyes wandered back over to Bella, who sat on the countertop grinning and munching on a stalk of celery. _

_"I'mma take a quick shower and then we can get started on that new song," Emmett said. He was the bass guitarist in the band we formed a while back with our friends Jasper and Ben. We had a local following, but we needed that one song that would bring us further into the public eye._

_Bella's smile melted away, and I thought right then that I'd do anything to bring it back. _

_"Em, I thought we were going to the park," she said in a disappointed voice. _

_"We will, baby, we will," Emmett said, throwing a kiss at her. "Edward and I have to work out a few kinks in this new song first." _

_"Hey Em, we can work on it later--" I began. _

_"Nah," he said. "Bells can wait, can't you, baby?" _

_She nodded and tried to offer him a small grin, but it didn't light up her face like before. I felt like shit for interrupting their day together, but Emmett didn't seem to mind. _

_I found myself thinking as I watched her slide down from the counter and clack her way over to the fridge that if she was mine, I wouldn't be passing up a chance to spend the day with her to work on my bike or some stupid song._

_But she wasn't mine. _

I shake myself back into the present and position the fingers of my left hand at the neck of my guitar before strumming a C chord. _Gotta get this damn song finished._

All the lyrics I've been able to think of lately are completely emo and just sappy shit. It's all because of Bella. This is fucking sick. My life revolves around her, and there just isn't anything I can do about it. If there's one thing I cannot tolerate, it's feeling like I'm not in control.

_This is one situation I am most definitely not in control of. _I mean to sigh, but I end up growling instead.

"Pull yourself together, you douche," I tell myself.

I decide I'm not going to get anything done like this, so I put my guitar back on its stand and leave the room in a huff.

Immediately, I'm accosted by a pleasant smell coming from the kitchen. I follow my nose and find my mother, Esme, in the kitchen baking my favorite chocolate chip cookies.

She looks up at me, her pride and joy, and smiles sympathetically. "Edward, darling. What's the matter?"

My mom is amazing. She knows me better than anyone on the planet. I'd be willing to bet that she heard me cursing and banging around in the music room and decided that I needed a healthy dose of sugar. The woman is a fucking saint.

"Nothing, Mom. I'm just frustrated is all."

She stands on her tiptoes and ruffles my hair. "Things will work out the way they're supposed to," she tells me in that saccharine voice of hers.

"Yeah," I grumble, feeling instantly guilty for taking out my idiotic bitterness on her.

Mom pours me a glass of milk and sits down on the barstool next to me, bringing the plate of warm cookies with her. I swear, sometimes she still treats me like an eight-year-old. Not that I'm complaining, because I start to feel a little better with the first bite of gooey, chocolaty goodness.

I sigh.

"Girl troubles?" she asks me in a knowing voice.

I snort. "Something like that."

At that moment, my dad walks in. "Edward! What are you doing here?" He sets his bag on the counter and claps me on the back.

"Came to use the piano," I mumble around a mouth full of chocolate chip cookie.

"Carlisle," Mom coos, and gives him a kiss. It's almost disgusting how in love my parents still are after 30 years of marriage. "Edward and I were just discussing his girl troubles."

"Ha!" Dad scoffs. "Nonsense. Edward's a Cullen man. We don't have girl problems. Girls flock to us."

Esme swats at him playfully.

"Yeah well, you know me." I shake my head. "I only want the one I can't have."

"That's my boy," my dad teases as he grabs a cookie from the plate. "Always keep them on their toes. Play hard to get."

My mom rolls her eyes. "Sure, Carlisle. It took me two whole days to land you."

I give my parents the eye-rolling look that every twenty-something practices for these moments. "I'd better get going," I say.

"Are you sure, Edward? You seem so down, dear. Don't you want to stay and have dinner?" _Great, now I've made Mom worry._

I wrap my mom in a one-armed hug and squeeze. "Don't worry, Mom. I'm fine." I muster up a smile that I hope is convincing, and I do feel a little better.

"Esme, Edward's just being Nemo," my dad announces knowingly.

We both stare at him like he's lost his mind. He looks back at us proudly.

"You know...moody...brooding. Nemo."

The man's a fucking genius doctor, but when it comes to pop culture, he's clueless. I decide not to ruin his fun. Let him figure that one out on his own.

"Dad's right." I wink at Mom as she shakes her head. "I'm just in a mood. I'll be fine. Got a gig tonight, so I need to get going."

I kiss my mom on the cheek and go to make my way out to my car before Dad tries to force me into a high-five or fist bump.

My parents. Ward and June Cleaver in the flesh.

How did they end up with such a weirdo loser son?

****************

"Yo, Eddo!" Emmett booms when I enter the darkened bar. Jasper and Ben call out their greetings as well.

"'Sup, guys?" I say as I put my gig bag down and start to take my guitar out.

"Edward!" The high-pitched voice I hear can be none other than my sister.

I turn to see Alice skipping toward me. She slams into my open arms for a hug. "Haven't seen you in a couple of weeks, big brother."

I ruffle her hair, and she huffs and tries to smooth it back into place. "Well maybe if you weren't such a social butterfly, you could pencil time in for your loser of a brother."

"Psh," she says. "You're probably busy with the flavor of the week. Oh wait, it's been _two _weeks, hasn't it? Guess that would make it flavors."

I chuckle and plant a brotherly kiss on the top of her head. "I just came from Mom and Dad's."

Alice's eyes light up. "Give up the loot!"

I feign ignorance. "Loot?"

She holds her hand out, palm up, and taps her high-heeled foot. I chuckle again and pull the large Ziploc bag of cookies out of my gig bag.

"Take 'em," I say. "They're not even warm anymore."

"Microwave." She smiles and turns on her heel to join Bella and Angela at a table in front of the stage.

_Bella. _ I hadn't even noticed she was there. Dammit, the blood is already rushing to the certain part of my anatomy that literally aches for her.

She looks gorgeous, as usual. She's wearing a simple black tank, a pair of skinny jeans, and some black heels that I'm sure my sister forced her into. God, Bella's fuckin' stunning. It seems as though she gets more and more beautiful each time I see her. Her very skin seems to glow as she tosses her wavy mane over her shoulder. I can almost smell her strawberry shampoo.

Don't ask me how I know she uses strawberry shampoo. Please.

I walk over to the table to greet Bella and Angela. "Ladies," I say, nodding at them.

"Edward!" Bella squeals. She hops up and hugs me around the waist. I revel in being able to wrap my arms around her for those few seconds.

She pulls back and beams up at me. I notice she's wearing more makeup than usual. I'm certain now that my sister has gotten her hands on Bella's naturally pretty face.

"Angela," I say as I give her a hug too.

"How have you been?" Angela asks me. She's another one who's unknowingly vying for sainthood. The girl can do no wrong in Ben's eyes, or anyone else's for that matter.

"Pretty good, Ang. You?"

"Magnificent," she says, flashing her left hand at me. The light catches something sparkly. It's a diamond.

"What's this?" I ask, unable to hide my shock.

"Ben proposed!" she and Alice squeal together.

"Wow, congrats!" I say, hugging Angela again. "Couldn't happen to two better people."

"It will," Angela says. "Whenever some lucky girl finally reins you in."

I roll my eyes. "That'll be the day." _The day Bella suddenly shirks my best friend for me, and he gives us his blessing. The same day that hell freezes over. _

"I gotta get my stuff set up. I'll see you ladies later." I give a little wave of my hand and go back up to the small corner stage.

"When were you planning on informing us of your upcoming nuptials, Ben?" I say.

Emmett and Jasper stop what they were doing. Ben's blushing is visible even in the dark corner of the bar.

"Uh..." he stammers.

"DUDE!" Emmett yells, drowning out Jasper's congratulations.

"I wanted her to be the first to know," Ben jokes.

I laugh and clap him on the back, offering up my well wishes. The four of us get down to business after that. Our set goes smoothly. I try hard not to focus solely on Bella's face as I sing.

It's a wonder I can coordinate my thoughts enough to play and sing simultaneously when she is in the same room.

I mentally kick myself then. Emmett's right next to me on the stage. Her eyes are glued to him. She loves him.

_Keep telling yourself that, Edward_. _Maybe you'll get it through your thick skull someday. _

****************

**BPOV**

The very first time I ever caught him staring at me, I was owned by those beautiful green eyes. There was something in that look, that stare, that just pulled me in.

But he isn't mine, and I'm certainly not his. Emmett and I had been together for nearly a year when we moved to Seattle from Forks, Washington. I love him, but lately things have started to feel like things are becoming static. I've begun to long for something more. I belong with Emmett, but I've started to long for something different, something more...something I can't have. When Emmett introduced me to Edward, a long-time friend that had moved to Seattle a few years before us, I suddenly had a catalyst that turned that inkling of an unsettling feeling into full-blown restlessness.

And so here I stand in the middle of our living room, daydreaming of a man that is completely out of my reach.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts, my eyes wandering over to the television. I grab the remote and turn it off, deciding to call it a night. I bought a DVD of tap dancing lessons a while back, as well as a nice pair of tap shoes. My main hope in learning to tap dance is that it will help reduce some of my clumsiness.

I tuck a stray hair back into my messy bun and slip off my tap shoes, pulling on my slippers, then put everything away and turn off the living room light. What I need now is a nice, hot bath. With strawberry scented bubbles, of course.

All I feel like doing is relaxing. I'm home alone tonight, as Emmett is working late again. That's not uncommon. I have many nights alone. I'm used to it. I actually start to crave the solitude if he doesn't work late several nights in a row.

I undress slowly, watching the steam rise from the hot water in the bath before sliding in carefully, and the water feels heavenly as it washes over my skin. I sink in deeper, closing my eyes, exhaling slowly. My mind wanders to that first day that I'd met Edward...

_I was standing in the kitchen practicing one of the first dance steps I'd learned, shuffle-ball-change, while talking on the phone to Angela and still managing to eat a slice of pizza._

"_What is that clicking sound in the background Bella?"_

"_Oh, my tap shoes! I read somewhere that dancing can help you with klutziness. So I decided to go all out, buy a beginners DVD and tap shoes. I wonder if it's working yet?"_

_I took another bite of pizza as I shuffled my feet across the floor, lightly tapping as I went._

"_Bells, nothing can help your level of clumsiness," Angela said as she laughed softly._

_I shook my head, which caused the majority of the slice of pizza to break off, falling to the floor. Emmett's dog Jake eagerly lapped it up, which only ended up making me slip on some sauce and almost falling. I caught myself in time._

"_I guess not," I sighed. "Hey Ang, I gotta go. Talk to you later." I hung up the phone, and that was when I first saw him._

_His hair looked as if he had just rolled out of bed. It was the perfect length for me to run my hands through, the perfect length for me to tug on--quite the opposite of Emmett's close-cropped hair. I bit my lip, hoping he didn't notice my staring._

_I looked up at him with a warm smile. "You must be Edward."_

_He had a crooked smile that made me melt. "The one and only," he replied._

_I took a small step forward as I stretched my arm out, offering my hand to shake his. "I'm Bella, Bella Swan."_

_He nodded and clasped my hand, shaking it firmly. My hand felt so perfect in his. I reluctantly dropped my hand down to my side._

"_I've heard a lot about you." His crooked smile slowly made an appearance again._

_My smile got bigger. "Good things, I hope." I winked, and my stomach tingled. It wasn't a bad feeling, just...well, amazing, if I was being honest. I hadn't felt anything like that for a long time._

_I heard Emmett's footsteps as he made his way into the kitchen. He kissed my cheek, which made me squeal. "You're all sweaty and greasy," I giggled lightly, my eyes passing from Emmett to Edward._

_Emmett greeted Edward, and they started in on a conversation. I don't know what was said between the two, and honestly, I didn't really care in that moment. The man standing across from me had my attention. Something about him just took hold._

_As their conversation droned on, I hopped up onto the counter. I slowly munched on a piece of celery as my eyes flickered from Emmett to Edward. I couldn't help but notice Edward's strong jaw line, his lips, the way they moved. The way his eyes lit up when he spoke. I listened to the inflections of his voice. I loved his voice and the way he talked and wished that I could hear it every day._

_"I'mma take a quick shower, and then we can get started on that new song," Emmett said. My eyes wandered back to Emmett, my smile slowly fading._

"_Hey Em, I thought we were going to the park?" I tried not to sound too disappointed, I didn't want him to know that he had let me down again. I wanted my time with Emmett. He was always so busy with his band, work and working on his motorcycle. I felt selfish whenever I began to wonder where I was belonged in this equation. But was I even near the top of the list? I couldn't help but wonder if things would be the same if I was with Edward. Like that would ever happen, Bella. Come on! Still, it hurt to know that I was being pushed aside, like he couldn't make time for me even if he tried._

_"We will, baby, we will," I heard Emmett say as he kissed me. "Edward and I have to work out a few kinks in this new song first." I tried not to roll my eyes._

_Edward looked a little uncomfortable. "Hey Em, we can work on it later--" he started, but he was interrupted by Em's dismissal of me._

_"Nah," Emmett said. "Bells can wait, can't you, baby?" _

_I didn't want to wait. I was sick of waiting! I wanted to stomp my foot and say, "No, Em, I won't wait!" But I couldn't do that. I was too afraid. I knew better than to fight with him once he'd made up his mind._

_So instead, I just nodded and gave a little grin, hoping that would be convincing enough. I could tell that Em was satisfied with that, but glancing over at Edward told me he didn't believe me. I slid down off the counter, clicking my heels as I walked over to the fridge grabbed an apple. I glanced once more over at Edward as I walked out of the kitchen, letting the boys get to doing whatever it was boys did when they were alone with their guitars._

Back in the present, I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I really need to stop thinking about Edward. But for whatever reason, it feels good to have him on my mind. I feel guilty for thinking about him so much.

I slide down further into the bath and close my eyes as I submerg myself fully under the water, soaking my hair before washing and conditioning. I sit up, rubbing my eyes free of water, wringing my hair out.

"Bells, you home?" Emmett's voice booms.

"I'm in the bath! Be out in a minute," I yell back.

I take my time getting out and drying off, wrapping my blue robe around me as I walk into our bedroom.

Emmett's standing by the closet, taking off his work clothes. I walk up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist as I nuzzle my head against his muscular back.

"Hey, baby. How was your day?" I whisper softly, sneaking in a peck on the back of his neck.

"Good, babe," he mumbles.

I walk over to my dresser and find my favorite black tank top and purple pajama pants. I slip them on and hang my robe back on the bathroom door.

"Hey Bells, I'm gonna go catch the last of the mariners game. I'll be in later." He walks past me, softly kissing my cheek. I just stand there shaking my head.

I make my way to the bed and pull down the sheets, climbing in and wrapping myself in the soft sheets. As I turn off the lamp next to me, my thoughts tur immediately back to Edward. I wonder what he's doing right now, if he's having fun. Is he happy? What does he think of me? Then the pang of guilt stabs me, and the tears fall.

I wake up some time after one in the morning to Emmett kissing my cheek softly, "Sorry, baby. Didn't expect the game to last so long."

I smell beer on his breath. I nod as I kiss his lips briefly. Sleep returns to me a few moments later.

I wake up again later to the alarm blaring at six the following morning. I get up, get dressed, make coffee and go off to work. Emmett, of course, is still in bed.

The whole way to work, I can't stop wondering if Edward would love me more, care for me more. Hell, even make time for me.

I go through the motions of my day, hurrying home in the evening to make it to the club on time to meet with the group. The guys are due to perform tonight. I've yet to miss one performance. I always make sure I'm there cheering them on.

Once I arrive at the club, I hurry over to Alice and Angela. The three of us trade hugs and cheek kisses as we sit down to wait on the boys to start playing. Alice orders us a round of cosmos, and we sit and giggle as we sip away at our drinks.

My eyes occasionally wander over the crowd, searching for the bronze-haired Edward, whom I've yet to see tonight.

"Hey, Bells! There you are," Emmett's voice booms over the crowd. I turn around and kiss Em on the lips, leaning into him. He pushes me gently away just as I hear the one man's voice I always long to hear.

Edward. He's here, and suddenly my heart is pounding in my chest.

I sit back down next to Alice and down the rest of my drink, trying hard to not look in Edward's direction. But it's futile. I'm always drawn to him, like my eyes are being pulled by some kind of internal magnet. There is no way I can't look.

He makes his way to our table to say hello. "Edward!" I say enthusiastically. I hug him around the waist when he approaches, and I don't want to let go of him. I feel so comfortable with my arms around him.

I pull back and beam up at him. I watch as his eyes survey my face, a small smile creeping up on his face.

He steps away to hug Angela, and I notice something sparkly, something that wasn't there yesterday when we girls went to lunch. Edward beats me to the punch.

"What's this?" he asks, looking visibly shocked

"Ben proposed!" she and Alice squeal together.

"Wow, congrats!" he says, hugging Angela again. "Couldn't happen to two better people."

"It will," Angela says. "Whenever some lucky girl finally reins you in."

I smile at what Angela says. If only she knew that I was constantly daydreaming of being that girl for Edward. _I_ want to be his lucky girl. I want to be the one to make him happy, have him make me happy. Be together.

_Stop it, Bella. You love Emmett, and he loves you. _I bite my lip, turning around to just in time to see the guys walk off to set up their equipment.

My eyes go to Emmett, and he flashes me a brilliant smile. My eyes linger on Em's attractive form as the set begins._ I love Emmett, and he adores me. Look at how he's only looking at me._

I bring my cosmo up to my lips for another drink. It seems every time my eyes wander away from Emmett, they go straight to Edward. I wonder how he does it, how he stands up there with all these eyes on him. I could never do that, be subjected to scrutiny that way.

Their set ends, and I stand up, grabbing Angela into a tight hug. "I am so happy for you! Let me see that ring again!" I bring her hand up and examine the ring, and it's beautiful. A subtle diamond on a white gold band--perfect for Angela.

I say my good nights to the girls as Emmett comes around the corner and kisses my neck softly. I smile up at him.

"Ready to head home, Bells?"

I nod as he ushers me out the front doors of the club.

"Did you enjoy the show?" he asks as he opens the car door for me. Em rode to the club with Edward, but he's riding home with me.

"Yes, of course I did. You guys were great as usual." I reach up to kiss him.

He flashes me a smile as I get into the car. I watch as he walks around and gets into the driver's side and starts the car.

I press my forehead to the cold window, watching the buildings as they pass, my memory replaying one of the songs Edward sang. His velvety voice that sounded sort of growly at some parts made my lady bits tingle. I roll my eyes at myself. I'm sure if Emmett had sung it, he would've turned me on the same way.

Once we reach home, we go up to the bedroom.

"I had a great time tonight, Em," I tell him, kissing his lips softly. His hands come around my waist, pulling me closer. He always wants rough, passionate sex after he plays a show, and while he's pounding away, I try hard to stay in the moment. But once I finally allow mind's eye to picture Edward's face contorted in pleasure the way Emmett's is right now, intense waves of pleasure roll through my body, making me shudder and pulse around him. Afterwards, I immediately feel guilty for thinking of someone else while he cries out my name. Afterwards, I roll over and shut my eyes tight, urging my mind to quiet down so I can sleep.

_Maybe I can still dream._

_A/N: Let us know how much you like it or hate it! _


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Here's chapter two for you, a bit earlier than we expected! :) I think we forgot to mention last time that we're going to include a relevant song lyric at the beginning of each chapter. Enjoy._

_Oh, when the dawn is nearing_

_And when the night is disappearing_

_This feeling will still be here in my heart, my heart_

_~"I Believe in You" by Cat Power_

**EPOV**

"Right hand, red!" Alice shouts, and a cacophony of groans goes up.

"I can't! Emmett's big ass is in my face!" shouts Ben.

"Shut it, Cheney_,_" Emmett says, "or I'mma fart in your ugly face."

"Jeez, Emmett, do you have to be so crass?" Alice says.

I look around at my friends and shake my head. Ben manages to get his right hand on a red circle, as do Emmett and Jasper. Bella, being the least coordinated of the group, falls on her side.

"HA! OUT!" Emmett yells.

Bella pouts and stands up, rubbing her left hip. "Ouch."

"Are you okay, Bella?" I ask her as she sits next to me on the love seat, from which I've been acting as official referee.

"I hate Twister," she mutters.

"Em, you can't even be concerned for your own girlfriend?" Angela asks. "Do you need an ice pack, Bella? You know we always have them ready for you in the freezer."

Bella shakes her head before stretching out sideways on the love seat, putting her head on my knees. I hope she can't feel the tension in my muscles as soon as she touches me. I practically have to sit on my hands to keep from running them through her beautiful hair.

I think to myself that if she was my girlfriend, I'd be running to the freezer to grab that ice pack for her and holding it gently to her probably bruised hip while kissing her forehead.

_Shut up, you fucking pansy,_ the saner half of my brain says.

The game commences again, and Bella turns her head slightly to grin at me. "Edward, you're comfy," she slurs. We're all a little tipsy.

I laugh, and some of the tension melts away. "Glad to know my legs aren't too bony for your delicate head."

She grins wider. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

And the tension's back. She must've felt my muscles twitch, because she claps her hand over her mouth and says, "Sorry. I know I have a big mouth. It has to be big enough to hold both of my feet, you know. For those times when I'm extra chatty."

I laugh again. "No, it's okay." I run my hands through my unruly hair. "I don't really know why. I guess I just haven't found the right girl yet."

That's a complete lie. The right girl for me is currently lying in my lap.

"Hmm. I have a hunch that you are a hopeless romantic, Edward Cullen. I'm glad you're not a womanizer. Some girl will be very lucky to have you," she sing-songs, tapping the tip of my nose with her index finger, effectively taking my breath away.

"Baby, leave Eddie alone. He doesn't need to hear any of your crazy talk," Emmett says loudly from between his knees on the Twister mat.

My nostrils flare at the way he speaks to her. I hate it. He's my friend, but I often wonder what on earth Bella sees in him.

She sighs then and turns her face upward, tilting it to the side after a few minutes, then raises her arm to point at the ceiling.

"Jughead," she mutters.

I just watch her pretty face concentrating on the ceiling. She turns to me again.

"Look up there."

My eyes follow the curve of her arm, tearing themselves away to look where she's pointing. "I don't see anything."

"There's a little pattern there in the texture-y stuff. It looks like Jughead. See?"

"What's Jughead?" I ask, already knowing but wanting to keep her talking.

"Silly Edward!" She hits my shoulder. "Jughead is Archie's best friend. Didn't you ever read Archie comics? If you tilt your head to the right and squint, it looks just like him." She points upward again.

I shake my head. "I don't see it." But I do see something then, as my eyes linger on her upper arm. "What the hell did you do to your arm, Bella?"

The fluttery sleeve of her shirt has fallen down around her shoulder, revealing a dark, almost black bruise on the back of her right arm. It's purple around the edges and stands out angrily against her porcelain skin.

"Hmm?" she hums absentmindedly before adjusting her shoulder and bringing her arm around her front to examine the bruise. "Oh! That."

She blushes, and I can't help but think how beautiful she is.

"Wellllll..." She lifts herself from my lap and stands in front of the love seat. "I was doing helicopters," she says as she stretches her arms out to her sides and begins to spin around the room, whirling every which way until she comes to rest between Alice and Angela on the couch. "And I bumped into a shelf."

She shows them the bruise, and Alice places a kiss on it. "Thanks, friend," Bella chimes.

"No problem, my love," says Alice as she looks down again at the spinner. "Left foot, blue!"

Jasper tumbles to the floor, narrowing the competition down to just Ben and Emmett.

I miss the weight of Bella's head on my lap now that she's moved across the room. She never stays in one place for very long. I lean my head back against the cushions and ponder the question she asked me.

I wonder briefly if it's obvious how I feel about Bella. I look around the room, but everyone else is paying attention to the game taking place on the living room floor.

"Give it up, McCarty," Ben taunts. "I'm not going down."

"That's what she said!" Jasper calls out from the kitchen, where he's grabbing some fresh beers for us.

The girls giggle at Jasper's remark, and I just watch Bella's pretty smile, completely taken in by it.

When my gaze shifts over to the right, Alice catches my eye and winks at me. I raise an eyebrow at her and wonder what she thinks she knows.

****************

Later that night, I'm lying in bed thinking of --what else-- Bella, when my phone rings. The display is flashing Alice's name and number.

"What's up, Alice?" I answer.

"How long has this been going on?" she asks me. I honestly have no clue what she's talking about, and I tell her so.

"How long have you been in love with Bella?" she sighs.

I don't know what to say to that. I settle for, "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play coy with me, Edward Cullen. This is your sister you're talking to."

I wait for her to say something else, but she doesn't. I'm not caving. A minute or so passes, and nothing.

"Alice?" I ask, checking to see if she's hung up.

"Edward," she says.

I sigh.

"I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me, so you might as well just get it over with."

I groan then, dropping my head into my hands and sighing again. "Augh! Fine, Alice. You're right."

"What was that?"

"I said, 'you're right,'" I mutter.

"What was it that I'm right about?"

She wants to hear me say it. I don't know if I can. I haven't actually admitted it out loud, to be honest. It's always been this internal struggle. Saying the words might make it hurt more.

"I can't, Alice." Even to my ears, the whisper sounds pained.

"Oh, Edward." Her voice is sympathetic. "This really bothers you, doesn't it?"

No one knows me like my sister. She understands the loyalty I have to my friends. Of course she would get how hard this is for me. "Yeah, it does."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It's just that I can't help but notice the look on your face when she's around. And when she was sitting with you on the love seat, you just looked so...peaceful."

_Shit._ Is it really that obvious? I run my hand through my hair again. "I can't talk about this, Alice. I'm trying so hard to ignore it." How the hell does she do that? I don't want to admit it. I don't want to say it. I don't want to acknowledge it. Yet each time I open my mouth to speak to Alice, the truth comes out. Maybe we were actually supposed to be twins.

"Okay," she relents. "But if you ever need to talk about it, you know you can trust me. I love you, big brother."

"I love you too, squirt. And thank you."

"I'll see you for dinner with the parentals tomorrow?" She phrases it as a question.

"Of course. See you then. 'Night, Ali."

"Good night. Love you!"

I hang up the phone and switch it off before plugging it into the charger. I don't feel like talking anymore tonight. I don't even feel like thinking, but my mind is drawn like a magnet back to an image of Bella. She's smiling at me, her head in my lap, her eyes sparkling.

I pull my clothes off and lie back on my bed, closing my eyes, but it's like Bella's face is imprinted on the insides of my eyelids. I see her everywhere. I'll never be able to sleep this way. Slowly, I allow the Edward in my imagination to cup her soft, blushing cheek in his hand and bring his lips to hers. The kiss is gentle, worshipping. Her lips are like silk, smooth and supple. I reluctantly pull back and place a single, tender kiss on her forehead before allowing myself to whisper reverently the words I will never be able to say aloud.

"I love you, Bella."

****************

"You're in trouble," Alice sings as I enter my parents' house.

I roll my eyes at her. "Whatever. So I'm ten minutes late for dinner. The world will still rotate on its axis, rest assured."

"Nope, not that, though my hips thank you for the extra ten minutes to snack," she says sarcastically.

"Edward!" I hear my mother's voice float out from the dining room before her smiling face appears from around the corner. Oh no. She's got that mischievous glint in her eye.

"Hey, Mom."

"I have someone I'd like you to meet," she says, handing me a glass of red wine.

_Wine? _We don't usually have wine with dinner. It's usually just water or iced tea...

I follow her into the dining room to find my dad and Jasper talking to someone I don't know. A girl. An attractive girl. Ah, I get it now. I cock an eyebrow at my mother. Her smile only brightens, if it's possible.

"Edward, this is Kate. She's my friend Tanya's daughter. Kate, this is my Edward."

I move to where Kate is now standing so I can shake her hand. "Nice to meet you," I tell her, looking into her pretty eyes. They're a very clear, light blue, emphasized by the long bangs sweeping across her forehead. Such a contrast from Bella's deep, brown, expressive eyes.

"Edward, I've heard a lot about you. It's nice to put a face to a name." Her smile is perfect, accentuated by pink lipstick. _Bella doesn't need lipstick. She has the prettiest red lips... Damn it, Edward. Here and now, here and now..._

"I can't say I've had the same pleasure." I eye Esme, who is now setting a dish on the table and worrying over place settings.

"Kate is pre-med, Edward," my dad says. "We've just been speaking about medical schools."

"Med school, huh?" I say, making an earnest effort to take interest in her.

Kate blushes a bit, which automatically reminds me of Bella. "Yes," she says. "Of course, I'd love to study something frivolous like art, but my parents wouldn't hear of it."

Alice pipes up from the other side of the table. "You consider art to be frivolous?"

"Oh, no!" Kate breathes, bringing a hand to her cheek. "I'm sorry, I meant that that's the way my parents feel. I feel that art is a very important thing in a world where everything is always so serious. It's an escape for me."

Alice purses her lips. She's an art major and already has a great job as an assistant to a well-known fashion designer. My mother shoots Alice a reproving look before chiming in to tell us to dig in to dinner.

The conversation continues as we eat.

"So what do you do, Edward?" Kate asks.

"I'm a musician," I tell her. I have to hide a smirk, wondering what she'll think of this piece of information after what she said before.

"Oh? Do you play with an orchestra or on your own?"

Alice chokes on her food, and my mother pats her on the back.

I'm not as successful at hiding my grin this time. "I play with a group..."

"Oh, how nice! Mother and Daddy have season tickets to the symphony, you know. What group is it that you play with?"

"Uh, I play with three other local musicians."

Alice does a spit-take.

"Mary Alice, what on _earth_ is wrong with you?" my mother asks.

Dad just chuckles. I wonder if it's cruel to string her along this way.

"We play in some of the local clubs and bars."

"Oh!" Kate says. "So you're in a rock band."

"Sort of," I say.

Alice smirks. "You might have heard of them. They have a lot of local fans."

"What's the name of your band?" Kate asks me, ignoring Alice.

"Afterthought," I tell her before taking another sip of wine. "Jasper here is a member too."

Kate purses her lips in thought. "I'm sorry, it doesn't ring a bell. But then again, I don't know much about local music."

"No surprise there," Alice mutters. I think I'm the only one that heard that, but I kick her under the table anyway.

Conversation goes on, revolving mostly around a question/answer session between Kate and myself with my mother looking on with a conniving...er, proud look. And I do have to admit that Kate does seem like a nice girl, if a bit uptight. Maybe I could take her out and shake her up a bit.

As I walk her to her car after coffee, I decide that maybe I should ask her out.

"I had a lovely time," she says as we amble down the front walk. I smile at her. "And I'd love to hear your band play sometime." When we reach her car, she presses a business card into my hand. "Give me a call next time you play a show."

"Sure thing," I say, giving her a lopsided grin, wondering if she'd actually be interested in our type of music.

Kate gets into her car and drives away. When I turn to go back inside, I spot my mother peeking around the curtains on the front window. "Sheesh, Mom," I mumble on my way up the front steps.

"So," she starts as soon as I'm inside again. "What did you think of Kate?"

"She's a nice girl, Mom."

"And?"

"And what? Do you want me to go chase her down and propose marriage?"

Mom rolls her eyes at my sarcasm. "Edward, I just want you to be happy."

I put my arm around her shoulders as we walk into the living room. "I'm happy, Mom, and I don't need to be fixed up with anyone to stay that way."

She pouts, and Alice cuts in. "Mo-omm," she croons. "Jasper needs help planning his parents' surprise anniversary party!"

I mouth a "thanks" to Alice, who knows that any mention of a new project will snare Mom's attention for a while. I really do love my mother, but I feel like she thinks that since she and Dad are so happy together, everyone must need someone else to make them happy. While I admit that I'd definitely be overjoyed to be with Bella, I also know I don't need anyone else to be content with my life.

Jasper glares at me when Mom pulls out her party planning binder.

***************

**BPOV**

I hardly slept at all last night. I spent most of my time tossing and turning, not to mention trying not to think of the one name that stayed on my mind all night. No matter what I tried, what I did, I couldn't get comfortable.

I finally give up at around 4 a.m. I turn over, placing a small kiss on Em's cheek as he snores away. I slowly slide out of bed, grabbing my robe and slippers as I make my way downstairs.

It's still a bit dark out; the moonlight streams into the back kitchen window. I grab a coffee cup from the cupboard quietly, not wanting to wake Emmett. I take a spoon from the silverware drawer as I turn on the coffee pot, my foot lightly tapping on the floor as I tighten my robe around my waist.

As I pour myself a cup of coffee, my mind keeps wandering back to that night at the bar. I feel even guiltier as I remember myself practically melting into Edward's arms as I greeted him. I only wonder what Emmett might have thought of that, or if he had even seen that at all. But last night in bed brought a whole new round of guilt. I felt torn while I enjoyed what Emmett did to my body. I couldn't help but have Edward on my mind. That is wrong on _so_ many levels. I honestly just couldn't help myself. With every moan that escaped from Emmett, I tried to suppress my thoughts of Edward, but they were still there.

Never have I felt so completely torn and guilty. It hurts my heart.

Inhaling the aroma of the coffee as I take my first sip, I sit down in the chair next to the island and wrap my small hands around the mug. I'm surprisingly awake, not a bit tired after a restless night. I'm almost always the one that fights to get up. I am not at all a morning person.

The thump of the morning newspaper shakes me even more awake, and I get up to fetch my paper.

I read the paper and finish my coffee, then decide then to go on up stairs and take a shower. I round the corner and look into Emmett's and my room. He's still asleep, but his alarm is due to go off in a few minutes. If I want that shower I'll have to hurry up and get in. My robe falls to the floor and I turn on the water. The steam makes quick work of the mirrors.

The water cascades down my back as I run my fingers through my hair, making sure the shampoo is all rinsed out. My hand searches blindly for my body wash, when I feel an arm slowly glide around my waist.

"Looking for something?"

I turn around to find Emmett smirking at me as he holds the bottle of my body wash. I try to keep my eyes trained on his. I can't help it when my eyes wander down his body and back up again. I bite my lip as I grab my body wash from him.

"Thanks," I whisper as I take the loofah and squeeze a small amount of body wash on it.

Emmett grabs the loofah from my hand. "Why don't you let me get that for you?"

He presses the loofah against me as he scrubs small circles up and down my back. I feel the tiny bubbles fall past my ass. He presses himself against me as he brings the loofah around front, scrubbing bubbles from my chest down to my stomach.

His hand inches lower, right between my legs as he places a small, chaste kiss on my neck. The loofah sponge falls to the floor as he slowly runs his fingers up and down, gently sliding a finger in. I barely register the moan that escapes my mouth.

As slow as he possibly can, he takes his fingers out, and I whimpered at the loss of contact. I feel both hands on my shoulders as he spins me around to face him. His lips attack mine, one over the other, fighting for dominance. My tongue traces his bottom lip as he presses me up against the wall. He's so close to me, pulling my legs up to go around his waist.

"God, Bella..."

All I hear is the phone ringing and then me hitting the tiles of the shower as Emmett steps out. My eyes sting, my chest hurts. I'm not sure if I should cry or scream. Instead, I just finish my shower and step out.

On my way to work, I text Em, reminding him that we're supposed to meet at Alice and Jasper's for drinks. He replies that he'll be there.

I go on about my day as normal, trying not to think of Edward and his green eyes and oh-so-kissable lips. I really don't even want to think about the shower this morning, which was actually quite humiliating. I don't want to deal with anything. I just want to go to my friends, get my drink on, and have fun.

My phone rings as I walk out to the parking garage.

"Yes, Alice?" I answer as I unlock my car.

"Are you on your way, missy?"

"Yes, Alice, I am. Have you ever heard of patience?" I laugh.

"Just get here, you brat! Oh, and love ya!"

Alice is waiting on the front steps with a drink in her hand. She practically runs out to me. How she manages to not spill the drink is beyond me. We go inside and sit down to chat and wait for the others to arrive.

Angela and Ben are the first to show up, then Jasper comes in. He nods his greeting as he kisses Alice, pulling her away with him. I wave as she walks off.

Emmett is next. He comes up and kisses my cheek and whispers that he's missed me today. I nod and smile. My eyes watch his retreating form as he walks into the kitchen to grab a beer. My whole body decides to tingle right when Edward walks into the room. I fight to not let my eyes betray me, but they end up finding his anyway. He cocks that perfect half-smile as he walks past me to go get a beer.

Everyone is sipping on their drinks as we sit around talking and catching up.

"So, guys? What shall we do?" asks Jasper.

I shrug my shoulders as I glance over at Alice. She looks giddy. "Oh! Twister! We play Twister!" _Why am I not surprised that she would pick that?_

Ben and Edward set up the mat as the rest of us take off our shoes. I really don't want to play this-- I'll only end up on my ass and most likely have bruises that last a good month. My body hates me like that.

Alice spins and calls out the colors. I'm doing well and haven't fallen yet. I'm pretty proud of myself. Usually, when I was younger I wouldn't last the first round. My body would give out or I would misstep, trip, or just wouldn't be able to hold my body weight. Which ultimately led me to the falling down part.

We're all tied up and pretty close. Ben and Emmett are fighting back and forth. I really just want out of this game. It doesn't help that I'm feeling tipsy. But when you think about it, maybe that's what is helping me to stay in the game and not be klutzy. Kind of a reverse effect? I bite my lip and continue on.

Just as Alice calls out the next placement, I feel Emmett move and myself falling down. I hit the mat hard. My hip actually hurts. But I won't let them know that. I don't want to seem weaker than I already do. I bite my lip, trying hard to hide the pain as I rub my hip. I look over at Edward, and I know then that I'm not at all convincing.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asks me as I sit next to him on the love seat.

"I hate Twister," I mutter as I ball up my fist.

"Em, you can't even be concerned for your own girlfriend?" Angela asks. "Do you need an ice pack, Bella? You know we always have them ready for you in the freezer."

I just shake my head no. The last thing I need right now is people fawning over me. I just glare at Emmett. Sometimes I just can't believe how selfish he can be. I wish he was more attentive toward me and not so much into the game or work.

I lie down, placing my head on Edward's knees. I feel comfortable here, like I'm supposed to be here in this moment. It feels perfect, actually.

He smells of the woods and a deep musky scent. I am ashamed to admit this, but I love his smell. I close my eyes, inhaling deeper. I really hope Edward doesn't mind that I'm lying here like this. I honestly don't want to be anywhere else.

I look over at the rest of them as they continue on with the game. I shake my head at every move Emmett makes. He really doesn't take into account his size and how he might hurt someone else. He's too into winning.

I turn my head, grinning at Edward. I know I'm tipsy, and that little bit of alcohol I had is affecting me. "Edward, you're comfy," I slur and giggle softly to myself.

He laughs, smiling that smile that always gets to me. "Glad to know my legs aren't too bony for your delicate head."

I grin wider. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?" I know I'll regret asking this. I honestly know deep down that I do not want him to be attached to someone else. I secretly want him to myself, even though I can't have him. I'm so selfish.

I clasp my hand over my mouth, realizing I've said something I probably shouldn't have. "Sorry. I know I have a big mouth. It has to be big enough to hold both of my feet. You know, for those times when I'm extra chatty."

He laughs again, deeper, throatier. "No, it's okay." His fingers run through his untidy hair. "I don't really know why. I guess I just haven't found the right girl yet."

"Hmm. I have a hunch that you are a hopeless romantic, Edward Cullen. I'm glad you're not a womanizer. Some girl will be very lucky to have you," I say, tapping the tip of his nose with my index finger.

"Baby, leave Eddie alone. He doesn't need to hear any of your crazy talk," Emmett says loudly from between his knees on the Twister mat.

If I had the chance I'd flip him off for that. I'm pissed, but I'm around friends, so I won't let it show. I sigh and turn my face upward. After a few moments of silent contemplation, I point up to the ceiling, hoping that Edward will see what I see.

"Jughead," I mutter.

I turn my face to him again, smiling a small smile.

"Look up there."

"I don't see anything."

"There's a little pattern there in the texture-y stuff. It looks like Jughead. See?"

"What's Jughead?" he asks.

"Silly Edward!" I playfully hit his shoulder. "Jughead is Archie's best friend. Didn't you ever read Archie comics? If you tilt your head to the right and squint, it looks just like him." I point once again.

"I don't see it." I feel his eyes on me as my sleeve slides up my arm. "What the hell did you do to your arm, Bella?"

I don't want anyone to know, much less see. It's my secret to bear. No one else should know it. I can't just come out and say _"Oh, Em and I got into a fight, and he was a little bit too forceful," _now can I?

So, I do what I always do. I play it off. I get up slowly from Edward's lap. I must mutter a _hmm_ or _oh_. I'm not sure, because I'm too busy thinking about how I'm going to play this off. I stand up and stretch my arms out, beginning to twirl around like a little girl. "I was doing helicopters, and I accidentally bumped into a shelf." I feel the blush creeping up on my face. They'll believe that. It sounds like something I'd do. They _have_ to believe that.

I land between Alice and Angela on the couch. Alice kisses my bruise, and I thank her. After that, everything pretty much goes back to normal. The game resumes, and all I want is for Edward and everyone else to forget the bruise.

Jasper falls and is out of the game now. The rest of us watch Emmett and Ben battle to the end. Jasper walks out of the kitchen with fresh beers.

Alice turns to me, her face serious. "I know more than you think I know, Bella."

I shake my head, blushing. Of course she would know. She knows me better than I know myself. It's scary sometimes.

She always knows when I'm scared and calls and make sure I'm okay. She always seems to know when I need a friend, a good pint of ice cream, and a movie with hot leading actors. But most of all, she always knows when I have a secret, or when I'm hiding something. I'm her book, and she can read me inside and out. I should have known better.

I nod my head at her, half smiling. I stare at her, silently pleading with her not to say anything, to keep it to herself. That eventually, when the time is right, I'll say something to Emmett about it, let him know how he hurt me. I just need the courage that I don't seem to have yet.

Emmett walks over to me, kissing my lips softly. "I'm gonna go. I'll meet you back at our place, okay?" I nod, kissing him once more.

Eventually Angela and Ben leave to go home, and it's just Alice, Jasper, Edward, and me. I finish nursing my drink and hug Alice and Jasper, thanking them for a fun night. I say goodbye to Edward and imprint the smile he gives me in my memory.

When I return home, the house is dark, and Em's car isn't in the driveway. Only the light in the kitchen is on. Walking past the fridge, I notice a note on the door.

_Bells,_

_I am so sorry, got called into work. Be home around midnight._

_Em_

I shake my head as I turn off the light. I go upstairs and get into bed. Nothing seems perfect or even right anymore.

My last thoughts are of that smile Edward gave me before I left, the gleam in his eyes. The lips I really want to run my tongue across. The way he runs his fingers through his hair. I wish they were my fingers, tugging and feeling the silkiness as my fingers pass through.

Every time I think of him, my stomach flutters and my face grows warm. I feel like a teenage girl who wants the school teacher. Although she knows it's bad, she just can't help but desire him, dream of him.

And here I am, his student, he my teacher.

I would never get to have him. And yet, he has me.

_A/N: We love writing this. :) Let us know if you're liking it so far!_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Remember that I write Bpov and Tiffany writes EPOV.

_"Broken down and hungry for your love_

_with no way to feed it"_

_~Lover, You Should've Come Over, Jeff Buckley_

_**EPOV**_

Three nights after the dinner at my parents' house, I'm lying on my living room couch, turning Kate's now crumpled business card over and over in my hand. _Should I or shouldn't I?_

On the one hand, I really need something to get my mind off of Bella for once. I need to move on with my life instead of living in this semi-Limbo in which I've existed since first meeting her. Was I right when I told my mother that I was happy alone? For the most part, yes. I'm completely content to be on my own. However, were Bella not involved with one of my best buddies, I don't think I'd rest until she was mine. So seeing how she's not available, I should stop being such a creeper and just man up and ask Kate out.

On the other hand, is it really fair to start something with Kate, knowing my obsession with Bella probably won't ease up anytime soon? I mean, there's always the off chance that she and Emmett will have a huge blow-up and never want to see each other again... But then I should still keep my feelings to myself. She's my friend, he's my friend...I wouldn't want to jeopardize either of those relationships. It's a moot point, though.

Honestly, if Bella would have me, would I really care what Emmett thought? _Yes, you heel. He's been your friend since you were in diapers! _

Ugh.

I drive the heel of my palm into my eye, shaking my head and trying to remember what started me along this line of thought anyway.

_Oh, yeah. Kate. _

Kate's classically pretty. She seems sweet. She's obviously intelligent, if a bit sheltered. And Lord knows my mother would be thrilled if I asked Kate out. I roll my eyes at that thought, but have to smile at Mom's meddling ways in spite of myself. I know it's only because she loves me and wants to see me happily paired-off like everyone else in my life. And really, what can it hurt to just call her? If nothing else, I'll have a new friend.

I grab my cell phone from the beat-up coffee table and punch in Kate's number. It rings four times before it goes to voice mail.

_Hi! You've reached Kate. You know what to do..._

I have to snicker at that insinuation. Do I ever really know what to do? I sigh while I wait for the beep.

"Uh, Kate? Hey, it's Edward Cullen. Um, Esme's son? I wanted to let you know that my band has a gig on Friday night. You said you might be interested in seeing us play, so....yeah..." I clear my throat and try to think quickly. "I wanted to--I mean, I was wondering...if maybe you'd like to get some coffee or---or grab some dinner beforehand? Um...sooooo give me a call sometime...and I...guess I'll talk to you soon. Okaythanksbye."

I press the "end" button and throw my phone across the couch before slapping my hands over my face. _What a bumbling idiot... _

Not a minute later, my phone rings. I sit up and grab it to see the number I just called on my display. _Shit. _

I clear my throat again before answering. "H-hello?" _Hey, great time to start with the stuttering, asshat._

"Edward, hi! It's Kate. I'm sorry I didn't get to the phone in time."

"Hi, Kate. It's okay. I'm sorry your poor voice mail had to be subjected to my awkward message-leaving style..."

She giggles. It's cute, and actually puts me a bit more at ease. "It's okay," she says. "I'm not very good at leaving messages either."

There's a pause, and I guess we're each waiting for the other to speak. She's the one to break it. "I'd love to come to your show on Friday night."

"Oh, good!" I say, maybe a little too enthusiastically, as my voice goes up an octave. "Would--" Another throat clearing on my part. "Would you like to meet before then?"

"Sure! What's good for you? I'm out of school by three, so I'm pretty much free after that."

"Um... How about I pick you up at seven? We can have dinner and go to the bar from there. I mean, if you don't mind waiting for us to set up and break down and stuff... The other girls will be there. My sister Alice and her friends..." _God, I'm rusty at this. Where did that cool, confident Edward go that used to drop panties with his piercing gaze and smooth ways?_

"Sure," she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. Kate gives me her address, and we chat for a minute more before saying goodbye.

And after our brief conversation, I'm feeling a little better. Kate really does seem like the kind of girl that every guy wants. _Maybe she can help me forget..._

***************

I'm feeling really nervous Friday evening as I make my way up Kate's front walk to pick her up for dinner. I'm five minutes early. That's good, right? I mean, it shows I'm eager to spend time with her.

I knock on the door, and a guy with long blond hair answers. "Oh--do I have the right house? I'm looking for Kate..."

"Yeah, Katie lives here," the guy says, looking me up and down before asking me to come in. "She's not ready."

I step inside and turn back to the rugged-looking guy. "I'm Edward," I say, holding my hand out.

He takes it and squeezes, perhaps a bit more roughly than he should. "Garrett. I'm Katie's best friend and roomie."

"Oh, cool," I say, not really knowing what else to say. This guy's obviously protective of her.

"Garrett, cool your jets," a feminine voice comes from down a hallway. I look up to see Kate, but it isn't her. It's another girl who looks a little like her. She comes up to shake my hand too. "I'm Kate's sister, Irina." Up until I met Kate, I'd had no idea that Mom's friend Tanya had any children, let alone two pretty daughters. _That little piece of information would've come in handy when I was a teenager. Come to think of it, maybe that's why I wasn't abreast of the situation..._

I smile. At least the Cullen charm might work on her. "Edward," I tell her. "I'm sorry, I didn't know Kate had a sister. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise. So where are you two going?"

"We're going to grab a bite to eat, and then my band has a gig tonight."

"Oh, you're in a band! That's so cool. What band?"

"Afterthought," I tell her.

"OH! I've seen you guys play before. Pretty awesome stuff. Love the sound." Obviously, Irina is a little more into the local scene than Kate. "So, Edward," she says. "What exactly are your intentions with my sister?"

I pause, my eyes widening a bit, and then I finally hear Kate's voice and look up to see her enter the living room. "Leave Edward alone, guys. We're just going out to a friendly dinner before his show. No pressure. Right?" she says, winking at me with a smile.

"Right," I say, flashing her my trademark grin and feeling much more comfortable now.

"Ready?" she asks me.

"Yes. It was a pleasure to meet you Irina, Garrett," I tell them, shaking their hands again before Kate and I step outside.

She rolls her eyes at me. "I'm sorry about those two. They're both protective of me. The sheltered little sister, you know?" She giggles a bit, and I laugh with her.

While we walk to my car, I take a moment to look at her. She's wearing a pair of jeans that hug her soft curves, heels that accentuate her long legs, and a silky top that dips down in the back. Sort of sexy, actually. I have to smile inwardly as I think that this is the first time I've felt sexually attracted to any other girl since I met Bella. _Jesus, not now. Stop thinking about her!_

"You look beautiful, Kate," I tell her suddenly, before I can stop myself.

She looks at me and blushes, which again makes me think of... _Shut up! _my brain tells my heart.

"Thanks," she says softly, and I open the passenger door of the Volvo for her before stepping around to the driver's side.

"You're welcome," I tell her as I slide in.

I take Kate to a casual place that's a bit nicer than your basic chain restaurant. "I've never been here," she says. "I've been meaning to try it."

"I'm a local musician. Gotta support the other locals, ya know?" I wink at her.

She laughs lightly as we take our seats. "So tell me more about Edward Cullen."

I look down at my hands on the table. "There's not much to tell. I grew up in a little town not too far from here called Forks. We moved to Seattle when I was a Sophomore in high school. I graduated from UW with a degree in music, concentrating on composition and theory. I give guitar and piano lessons. I hang out with my friends and family." I shrug. "What about you?"

"Well, you already know I'm pre-med. I grew up in Alaska, which you might already know since our moms are friends..." She pauses, and I shake my head to let her know I'd had no idea. "Oh! Well, we lived in Alaska til I was sixteen."

"Wow. Is it really cold there?" I ask stupidly, berating myself internally for asking such a dumb question.

"It's not that bad," she shrugs. "Yeah, it's cold in the winter time. But the summers are warmer, just like here in Seattle. I liked it. Didn't really want to move, but once we got settled here, I found friends and started to speak to my parents again." She laughed.

"Played the part of the sullen teenager, did you?" I ask, laughing along.

She nods as she sips her water. "For a bit. Then I met Garrett, and he and I have been best friends ever since. He's sort of like a big brother, so sorry if he was a little scary back there."

"It's okay. I did the same thing to Jasper when he came to pick Alice up for their first date."

We spend the rest of dinner getting to know one another, asking questions about childhood and college and trivial things like favorite colors and hang outs. Afterwards, we make our way to the bar. None of the other guys are there yet, so we enjoy a drink and talk some more.

Ben and Ang are the first to arrive. Ben dumps his gear on the stage before they come over to the booth where Kate and I are seated.

"Hey guys. This is Kate. Kate, Ben and Angela." I grin at Angela and look at Kate. "They just got engaged."

"Oh! Nice to meet you both. And congratulations!" Kate says as they all shake hands.

Conversation flows again, and then I see Emmett and Bella making their way toward us. My back stiffens when I see her. This is the test I've been waiting for all night.

"Hey, guys," Emmett booms over the rest of the bar noise. "What uuuup?"

We bump fists, and I stand to hug Bella. No way am I passing up a chance to touch her whenever I can.

"Edward!" Bella beams up at me when I release her. I love how excited she always seems to see her friends. I like to imagine that gleam in her eye is just for me.

"Emmett and Bella, this is Kate." I gesture toward her, and I notice Bella's smile dims a bit as she shakes Kate's hand.

"It's so nice to meet you both," Kate says genially.

Bella nods. "Damn, Edward, where'd you find this hottie?" Emmett says. Kate blushes, and Bella's eyes widen.

"Heh...Uhhh...Kate's mom and my mom are good friends."

Emmett, always the charmer, takes Kate's hand and kisses it. "Pleasure to meet you." I turn to Bella and catch her rolling her eyes.

She smirks at me. "I'm going to the bar. Anyone care to join me?"

I look to Kate, who is now deep in conversation with Angela. "I'll go with you, Bella."

Her bright smile is back, and she links her arm in mine as we make our way to the long bar in the front of the big room. "How have you been?" I ask her. "I haven't seen you all week." Of course I'd seen Emmett at practices, but I couldn't care less if he was around unless Bella was with him. I mentally kick myself after thinking that, though, because Em is my friend. And because I'm here with Kate, not Bella.

"I've been okay," Bella says. "Didn't feel well earlier in the week, but I'm back to 100% now. Besides, I'd never miss a gig. I love watching you guys play."

"Yeah, that's some talented boyfriend you've got there, huh?"

Bella snorts, and I feel my face get warm at the double entendre. "I mean, he's a mean bass player."

"Yeah, but you're the real talent of the group," she says, and she's looking at me meaningfully. "I mean, your voice... I don't think half your songs would sound as profound with someone else singing them."

This is an unexpected compliment, and I smile sincerely at her while she orders her beer. "Thank you, Bella. But really, it's the whole band. If the four of us didn't find each other, we wouldn't have such a great fan base already."

"I'm glad Emmett and I moved here," Bella says as she leans her head against my bicep. My arm tingles everywhere she touches it. "If we didn't, I might never have met...any of you."

"I know," I say in a whisper before clearing my throat. "We've got a great group of friends."

Bella lifts her head to look me in the eye, and I think I see a flash of something there. Sadness? I'm not sure. "Yeah. Friends are great," she says in a low voice. A strand of hair has fallen over her left eye, and I brush it back for her. Her eyes close momentarily, and I watch her swallow hard, and my breath whooshes out all at once. _What is this? _

She can't possibly have the same feelings for me as I do for her. There's no way. I've seen the way she looks at Emmett. She adores him, even if he isn't half as attentive with her as he should be. _You're imagining things,_ I tell myself.

We grab our beers and head back to our group of friends. Alice and Jasper have joined the rest. As soon as my eyes meet my sister's, she shoots me a significant look before running up to Bella and hugging her, effectively tearing her from my side. My arm mourns the loss of her touch, but I go back to Kate, handing her another cosmopolitan and smiling at her.

"We've got to go set up now. Will you be okay here with the other ladies?" I ask her.

"Of course! Good luck with your set," she says enthusiastically. As I make my way to the stage, I note how well Kate has melded into our group so far.

While we're setting up, the bar has filled up pretty significantly. Alice wasn't lying when she told Kate we had a pretty big following. All the local bars loved to have us play because of the crowds we drew. We've even played in neighboring states a couple of times.

I step up to the mic once we're ready. "Hey everybody. Thanks for coming out. We're Afterthought." A cheer goes up around the room, and I give a little embarrassed laugh. Ben starts in on the drum beat, and the rest of us join in before I close my eyes and begin the lyrics to our original song, "Off Limits." You can take a stab in the dark at who I wrote that song about.

I often wonder how Bella doesn't figure out that this song is about her. I can't help but stare at her when I'm singing it. I suppose she doesn't really notice, since her eyes are usually trained on Emmett the whole time. She always looks like she's concentrating when she watches us. I don't know what she'd need to concentrate on--maybe watching Emmett play music turns her on, and she's concentrating on not running up to the stage and tearing his clothes off. _Ew. _Aside from grossing me out, that thought makes my heart hurt a little.

My eyes move over to Kate while I sing. I wink at her, and she smiles back. My eyes move to Alice, who's normally watching Jasper, but now she's looking at me. She shakes her head almost imperceptibly, but I catch it, and she bites her lip. We wrap up the song and move quickly into another, happier song that I wrote while thinking of Bella's bright and beautiful smile. My eyes are trained on her for the duration of this song. After we begin the next song, my eyes move back to Kate, who's looking at me inquisitively now.

_Shit, I hope she didn't just realize that I've been staring at Bella. _

****************

**BPOV**

I haven't seen much of Emmett in the last few days. To be honest, I'm getting pretty fed up with being the only one home, the only one cooking and cleaning. I'm sick and tired of being the only one that seems to care about this relationship, but I'm not at all sure what I should do about it. Deep down, I know that I am most likely scared to do anything about it at all. I have been with Emmett for so long... Surely we can work this out.

But, then there's Edward. Always there, always on my mind. He makes me tingle in ways Emmett never has. He literally takes my breath away without even trying. I've never daydreamed about a man as much as I do him. And therein lies another problem. Not only am I unhappy with my situation with Em, but I can't stop thinking about a man I shouldn't be thinking about. It's like an addiction I can't break. How do you stop thinking about someone that makes you feel so good you could just explode? Why doesn't Emmett do that for me?

For the past few days I have tried everything to make things easier on me and my relationship with Emmett. I've tried doing everything I can to not think about a certain bronze haired boy. It's futile, because everything I do, no matter what it is, brings me back to him.

The past few days I have tried to read book after book. I've even downloaded new songs and tried to learn every word verbatim. Nothing seems to want to hold my attention long enough to not think about him.

And here I sit, reading another book in an empty house. What makes the day worse is the fact that it's my day off. Time has passed too slowly for my liking, and anything and everything I needed to do today I honestly haven't felt like doing. I have a ton of errands that need my attention. I really just can't be bothered with them.

I look over at the clock. Not even ten in the morning. I place my book next to my now cold cup of coffee as I run my fingers through my hair. Maybe I should just drag my ass out of this house. Maybe then time will go faster. Why do I want time to go faster? I should just be lazy, pamper myself and sit in front of the television all day with chocolate as my only nutrition. Chocolate makes everything go away.

Unfortunately, I am an adult and have stupid responsibilities I must take care of. My wanting to be lazy will just have to wait for another day.

"This is so not going to be a good day," I quietly mutter to myself as I grab my keys along with the grocery list.

On the drive to the store, I sing along to the songs on my iPod, bopping my head every now and then to a beat that I like. Traffic is flowing pretty well, and I get to the store quickly. I grab a cart and go about my way through the store. I grab the coffee, milk, eggs. The essentials.

I'm picking up some apples and bananas in the produce section when I feel a small hand grab my shoulder, shaking it a little.

"Earth to Bella! I have been trying to get your attention for the last five minutes! What could possibly be on your mind?"

I shake my head and turn around to find myself looking at the overly energetic person who just happens to be my best friend.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm feeling so distracted lately."

"It's okay, Bells. Can I help you shop? I'm only here to pick up some basics."

I nod my head, really wanting a distraction and a friend to be around. I flash a smile and continue to grab some more produce before we make our way to the frozen section.

"Bella, you seem so out of it lately. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Alice, I'm okay. Just been sort of stressed."

We continue our trek through the store. At the checkout line, she helps me get things onto the conveyor belt. I notice Alice looking at me and then down to the ground in quick glances.

"Okay, shorty, what's on your mind?" I sigh, crossing my arms, playfully tapping my foot.

She laughs, shaking her head as her eyes catch mine. "You're coming tonight, right? I know it's stupid to ask, but you will be there?"

"Of course, silly!"

I pay, and we depart. I put my groceries into the back of my car. On the way home I'm reminded that not only will I see my Emmett, but also Edward. I smile at the thought. I even feel my cheeks warm into a full blush. I honestly can't help it. Secretly, I don't want to.

Pulling into the driveway, I see that Emmett's Jeep is in the garage. I park and open the trunk, beginning to pull out the groceries and walk into the house. Emmett meets me halfway, grabbing the bags from my arms.

"Hey, babe," he says, kissing me on the cheek.

"Hey, how was your day?"

"Okay. Nothing special. I missed you, of course."

I smile as I grab the milk and orange juice cartons. Once we get all of the groceries inside, I put them down on the counter and let out sigh.

"C'mere, baby," Emmett says as he pulls me toward him.

I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing a chaste kiss to his jaw, and whisper into his ear. "I think you owe me after the shower the other day." I wink as I sit up on the counter top, pulling him with me.

"I am sorry about that, babe. I had to answer the phone."

I wrap my legs around his waist, holding him closer. "No, you didn't, Em. You could have easily called them back. How often do we get a shower together, much less _any_ time together lately?"

"Baby, you know how busy I've been. I can't help it. Shit needs to get done. I'll make some serious time for us soon, I promise." He leans in to kiss me, running his tongue along my bottom lip. Our lips slowly start to move together. I begin to nibble and pull on his bottom lip, my hands running along his shoulders up to the back of his neck, pulling him as close as I can get him.

"Bella..." He sighs, pushing his forehead against mine, closing his eyes.

My fingertips ghost along his jawline, across his lips. "I don't want to stop, Em. I want you to want me." I hope my eyes convey what I cannot say. How much I need desperately to feel him, taste every inch of him.

"Bells, you know how I feel about doing this before a gig. I've gotta have my mind clear. I promise, baby, tonight. I promise."

I bow my head down in defeat. Did he really just put me off again? I bite my lip as I feel my eyes well up with tears. _He seriously does not want me._ I should be used to the rejection, I suppose, since it seems to happen so often. It really shouldn't even hurt me anymore. But I won't lie. Every fucking time he puts me off, it tears me apart.

"We should get ready. I really don't want to be late."

"Okay," I whisper, shaking my head as I slide off the counter top. I turn around to face him. "This is shit, Em. I don't ask for much." It's probably not the best thing to say then, but it just spills out. I don't even realize my lips have moved until I look up at Emmett. His eyes are downcast, his lips are in a tight line.

"Em, let's just get ready." I turn around to walk off, but he grabs my arm tightly, pulling me back around to face him. "Let go, Emmett."

"Bella, we seem to be having a misunderstanding here. I do want you. I'm just busy. I really wish you would realize that. Now, go get ready."

The drive to the bar is slow and quiet. I think of a million places I would rather be than here in this car. The tension is so thick I probably could cut right through it. Sitting quietly here with him after that confrontation just doesn't feel right.

As we pull up to the bar, we still haven't uttered a word to each other. The silence, I swear, is deafening. I get out, closing the door as Emmett puts his right arm around my shoulder. I'm nervous for some reason, anticipating seeing Edward. It's like I'm finally going to get that high that I've been craving all day long. I'm relieved when my eyes find him with our group of friends. My high is here.

The boys bump fists, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Why boys feel they always have to do that as a greeting is beyond me. But whatever floats their boats. I speed up, making my way toward our group of friends. After the boys bump fists, Edward engulfs me in a tight hug. It feels so warm, so right. "Edward!" I beam up at him, wishing he'd never let me go.

My eyes travel from Edward down to the rest of the group, and I notice a new person among us. "Emmett and Bella, this is Kate." _So, he's brought a date. I have spent the last three days thinking of nothing but this man, and he has a girl with him._ I shake her hand and try not to let the smile fall from my face.

I nod as Kate tells us how nice it is to meet us, and my eyes flicker between Edward's and Kate's. I notice Emmett making a comment about her being hot. I don't care. My eyes grow wide, not because I'm surprised Emmett said that, because it's just like him to say something like that. My eyes grow wide, because I want to be in her place. She can take my spot. I'd give anything, everything, to be the one being introduced by Edward as his date. _I have no right to be jealous. Knock it off, Bella. Suck it up!_

Emmett is really laying it on thick with Kate. He's always been the flirt of the group. I just roll my eyes, trying to not let it affect me, but I know it isn't working. I'm sure if Alice can read me as well as she does, I must be easily transparent to Edward.

I take a step from Emmett, locking eyes with Edward. I flash a smirk, "I'm going to the bar. Anyone care to join me?"

I'm secretly hoping that Edward will come with me, and he doesn't disappoint. Just as I start to walk away, I hear Edward's silky voice. "I'll go with you, Bella."

We trudge through the crowd up to the bar, and I'm smiling so big my cheeks hurt. _I get him alone, all to myself._ I shake my head and continue on, having to push my way through people who refuse to move. It's actually very annoying. All that work to get to the bar and get a moment alone with Edward. I shouldn't complain. It's so worth it.

"How have you been?" I turn at the sound of his voice, my eyes watching every movement those delicious lips of his make. "I haven't seen you all week."

"I've been okay," I say as I push yet another girl out of my way. "Didn't feel well earlier in the week, but I'm back to 100% now. Besides, I'd never miss a gig. I love watching you guys play."

"Yeah, that's some talented boyfriend you've got there, huh?"

I snort at the double entendre, thinking of how many times Emmett has pushed me away in the past week.

"I mean, he's a mean bass player."

"Yeah, but you're the real talent of the group," I say as I look at him, hoping my face and eyes convey what I cannot say. "I mean, your voice... I don't think half your songs would sound as profound with someone else singing them." I really do love his lyrics. So much emotion and feeling behind them, but his voice, his voice is what drives the words home, makes them his and his alone. His voice is my lullaby. I decide to order a beer, Blue Moon.

"Thank you, Bella. But really, it's the whole band. If the four of us didn't find each other, we wouldn't have such a great fan base already."

"I'm glad Emmett and I moved here," I say as I lean my head against Edward's arm. My face tingles like a million volts of electricity are passing through us. I can't help but wonder if maybe he feels it too. "If we didn't, I might never have met..." I trail off, wanting to tell him how lucky I am to have him in my life in whatever way I can get him. "...any of you."

"I know," he whispers. "We've got a great group of friends."

I lift my head, my eyes searching his deeply "Yeah. Friends are great," I say in a low voice as a strand of hair falls into my face. He brushes it behind my ear, and I sigh in contentment. That small gesture makes my heart flutter more than I ever thought possible.

We drink our beers, stealing sly smiles at each other every once in a while. I try to prolong the inevitable, wanting to stay here, with Edward, sipping our beer. It's my heaven for the time being.

Eventually, we have to get back to our group and let the boys get on with their set. I sit down next to Alice, resting my head on my hand as I watch the boys make their way to the stage. My mind is too busy swirling with thoughts of the brief interlude at the bar that I don't really concentrate on what my friends are saying. My eyes are glued to the stage.

The minute Edward's voice comes through the sound system, I relax. My eyes waver between Emmett and Edward. I listen to the lyrics, notice Edward look at me a few times and shyly look away. I want to believe that there's some meaning behind those looks, that those lyrics are meant for me and me alone. That's just a wish that will never come true.

After the set, I don't want to move. I'm happy, relaxed, but wishing I can talk to Edward more, have more alone time with him. The time I'd had with him earlier felt so perfect and right. Like it was meant to be, like we were only meant to be there in that moment, with each other.

The boys come back to our table. They have one last beer before we all depart for the night. I hug my girls and say good night to Kate, telling her again that it was a pleasure to meet her. I give Edward one last hug and tell him good night. It's so hard to let go of him.

I reluctantly drive Emmett and myself home. Every street light I drive under takes me further from Edward. As I pull into our driveway I notice that Emmett is asleep. _So much for his promise._ I nudge his arm. "Baby, we're home. Wake up." I nudge him again and finally startle him awake.

He looks over at me, frowning slightly. "Sorry, Bells."

"Let's just go to bed."

I turn the car off, and we make our way up to the house. As I get ready for bed, my mind is filled with those lyrics that Edward sang, and I feel something-- some deeper meaning or purpose. I'm not at all sure what it is. But it's something, and it's there. And I can live with that for now.

**

We would really appreciate reviews and your thoughts! Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

_**We hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks to those who read and review. **_

_**Of course, sadly we own nothing, just the plot:)**_

_**Now, go read!**_

_******_

"_I wanna be the one who walks you home_

_who walks you home tonight_

_stare into her eyes and then try to explain it_

_try to explain it away_

_but that shit just fucks you up _

_and I can never get close enough"_

_~Cherry Lane, by Ryan Adams_

**EPOV**

After we pack everything up and have another drink with some of our regular fans, I drive Kate home. I feel bad that I haven't really gotten to spend time with her since before we started the set. "So how did you like the music?" I ask her.

"It was great! The rhythms, the lyrics...all great." Kate taps her fingernails against the arm rest. "That Bella's a lucky girl."

"Oh?" I ask, my eyebrows pulling together in confusion. Is she into Emmett? That would just make us the most perfect, pathetic pair.

"Yeah...to have those beautiful lyrics written about her by such a great guy."

"Oh!" I say. "Emmett doesn't write the lyrics. He helps out with the music, but I do most of the lyrics."

"Yeah, I figured that out." Kate smiles at me.

_Oh. Fuck. _"What are you getting at, Kate?"

"I saw the way you kept looking at her. You've got it pretty bad for her, don't you?" She's raising an eyebrow and smirking at me now.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say, running my hand through my hair and scratching the back of my head.

"Come on, Edward. It's completely obvious. I saw the way you lit up when she walked in, and the look on your face the whole time you two were up at the bar together. You could hardly keep your eyes off her the whole time you were singing." Now she's looking at me with...I don't know, sympathy?

I pull the car to a stop in front of her house and stare at her for a minute before dropping my head to the steering wheel. "Shit. I'm sorry, Kate," I mumble.

Kate's hand is on my arm then. "It's okay," she says. "Does she know?"

I look up and sigh heavily, then shake my head no. "She loves Emmett. He's been a good friend for a long time..."

Kate's biting her lip while I study her face. She's contemplating something. It's kind of cute, and I grin at her. "You really are beautiful, Kate," I tell her honestly. "I'm sorry I'm so fucked up."

She shakes her head, and her tongue peeks out slightly to lick her lips. "Maybe--" She stops for a second, takes a deep breath, and starts again. "Maybe I can help you get over her."

I suck in a deep breath myself. I'm not sure what to say at first. "Kate, that wouldn't be fair to you--"

She raises a finger to my lips. "No, what wouldn't be fair is you not giving me a chance to help you forget about your...crush? I really like you, Edward."

I search her eyes and see nothing but sincerity there. I let my head loll back against the head rest. What can it hurt, really? _Uh, her feelings, for one, when she realizes you can't think about anything but Bella. _

"I sort of have a confession..." she says, and I turn my gaze back to her. "I--sort of asked your mom to introduce me to you."

"You did?"

She nods and looks a little self conscious. "Yeah, I went to a concert with Irina and Garrett a few weeks ago, and you were there singing with another band. I heard your name and asked my mom if you were Esme's son."

I automatically know which show she means. I sometimes sing harmonies for my friend Maggie's band. "So you knew a little about me before we met then..." I say.

"Yeah. Is that weird? I'm sorry..." she starts.

"No! No. I'm actually sort of...flattered." And I am. I wonder briefly if I should be angry that she's sort of lied by omission, but I'm not at all. I guess I've kind of done the same thing.

"You are?" she asks, blushing a little.

I grin bashfully at her. "Yeah."

"So...will you...will you give me a chance, then?" she asks quietly.

I search her pretty blue eyes again for a moment, and then I nod. "Yeah." I realize then that we've been unconsciously leaning closer and closer to one another.

"Edward?" she whispers.

"Hmm?"

"Would you kiss me?"

I swallow hard, my mouth feeling sort of dry now. I lean in even closer as I lick my lips. I'm taking it slow, clearing my head and taking in her flowery scent. When our lips touch, it's soft and sweet. I pull her bottom lip between mine, and she sighs gently. The kiss is brief, and I pull back minutely to look her in the eyes again. "You have to be patient with me, okay? I--I haven't even thought about anyone else for so long..."

Her right hand is on the side of my face then. "I understand. I just want a chance." She kisses me again, chastely, and her lips are smooth and warm, and they just feel...nice. I let myself relax a little bit. "Thank you, Edward. Good night."

"Good night, Kate," I murmur.

She steps out of the car and then leans down to say, "Call me?"

"Definitely," I say, nodding. She smiles and turns to walk to her front door. I watch her retreat, making sure she gets into the house okay before driving away.

It's with a smile that I drive back home, congratulating myself on only very briefly imagining Bella's lips on mine during that kiss.

****************

My phone rings at 9 o'clock the next morning, waking me from a dream in which Bella and I are sharing a batch of my mom's chocolate chip cookies before Nemo the clownfish jumps out of the water and snatches the cookies away. Except Nemo's actually the size of Shamu. And then Bella disappears into thin air.

_Freud would have had a fucking field day with that one, _I think as I squint at the display on my cell phone. _Mom. Of course. _

"Good morning, darling," she croons when I answer.

"Hey, Mom," I yawn, my voice thick with sleep.

"I hear you and Kate had a nice time last night."

I groan. "Yeah, we had a good time."

My mom giggles. Fucking _giggles. _"I can't tell you how happy I am that you asked her to dinner. Where did you go? Did you pick her up? Did she enjoy your show? How do your friends like her? And _please_ tell me you were a gentleman, Edward."

"Whoa. Isn't it a little early in the morning for this, Mom?"

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry. Are you still sleeping?"

"No, it's fine. I need to get up anyway." I sigh. "Uh, I picked her up at her house. I didn't know she had a sister. Actually, why wasn't I aware that your friend Tanya had daughters in the first place?"

"Well, they've always had boyfriends," she says matter-of-factly.

"Oh...kay..." I decide to just drop it. "We went to Chai, my friends thought she was nice, she said she enjoyed the music, and of course I was a gentleman."

"Are you going to see her again?"

"Yes."

"Oh! When?"

I roll my eyes. I'm fairly certain she's flipping through bridal magazines at this point. "I'm not sure. I said I'd call her."

Mom giggles again. "And was there a good night kiss?"

I scoff at that. "Mom--"

"I'm just kidding, Edward."

"Good, because I wasn't going to confirm or deny that one."

"Are you coming for dinner tomorrow?" she asks.

"Of course. It's Sunday, isn't it?"

Alice and I meet at Mom and Dad's every Sunday evening to catch up and have dinner. Alice brings Jasper along, since we're all pretty sure he'll be an official member of the family one day soon, and the five of us enjoy a nice evening to close out the weekend.

"Okay then! I'll see you tomorrow, darling. Have a good day," Mom says.

I tell her to enjoy her Saturday, and then it's quiet again in my small apartment. I have no plans today, and I wonder briefly if I should call Kate and see if she wants to do something. Is it too soon, though? I think it might be. I'm sort of rusty when it comes to this dating thing. Bella's the only girl I've lusted after for the past year, so I obviously haven't been interested in impressing any other girls. It's made for a lot of _solo_ time, if you catch my drift.

And now that I'm thinking of Bella, my morning wood pops up to say a proper "hello". _Great_.

I wonder what she's doing today. Is Emmett taking care of her? Is he taking her out to do fun things like most couples do on Saturdays? Then I'm suddenly thinking of her beautiful smile, the soft looks she gave me last night when we were alone at the bar, the way she leaned her head on my arm, the way her eyes fluttered closed when I tucked the stray hair behind her ear.

I imagine her eyes closing at the feel of my lips instead of just my fingertips on her face. I wonder what it would feel like to brush my lips against the soft skin of her jaw, trailing them back behind her ear and placing an open-mouthed kiss there while she shivers. Then the Bella in my mind is kissing me passionately, pressing herself against me. Her hand, instead of my own, slips into my tented boxers and grasps the steely length, pumping slowly up and down, her palm covering the head and sliding back down my shaft. Her lips trail down my body, leaving tingling sensations in their wake. She places a soft kiss on the head of my cock, and the moment I imagine her lips wrapping around me, I groan loudly, fisting my other hand in the sheets and throwing my head back as my hand/Bella's lips and tongue stroke me into oblivion. The tension builds in my belly, coiling like a spring and burning low like kindling, and I open my eyes and picture her deep, brown eyes staring up at me, her hair tumbling around my upper legs and hips, brushing softly against my tightened sac. I explode then, whispering her name into the quiet room as I pump hard and fast, shooting streams of warm liquid that I wish were filling her up instead of making a mess on my stomach and sheets.

When it's over, I drop my head back onto the pillows roughly, catching my breath and slowly stroking my softening cock to calm myself. I want that so badly. I want _her_. And if I'm being honest, I want _everything_ with her. I want to be her boyfriend, take care of her, make her feel good, love her. I want to marry her and support her and hold her every night while we sleep. The whole shebang.

This level of obsession is ridiculous. I can't keep thinking about her like this. One day, I'm going to slip up and say something or touch her inappropriately, and Emmett will kill me, and Bella won't want to be around me anymore.

That is something I simply cannot have. Bella is my friend, first and foremost, and that is enough. For now.

**BPOV**

The hardest part of the night is surely yet to come. It's not me being in bed with Emmett and not having any kind of contact. It's the falling asleep part, not dreaming, the wanting and needing Edward part. I close my eyes and silently beg sleep to come, but of course my mind has other plans. My mind has his lyrics stuck on repeat. I want to believe that those lyrics mean something to me, that they were penned for me, only me, and _not_ Kate.

I have nothing against her. I don't even really know her, so I can't really judge her. I have no reason to feel jealous. I can't explain it. The only thing I come up with is that she's with the man that makes my heart flutter, breath stop, and words escape me. She has the one thing that I want most yet most certainly can't have. That fact alone shouldn't hurt me, but it does. The truth always hurts the most, especially when we don't want to hear it, want nothing at all to do with it.

Maybe it's that realization alone that makes me even more scared. The fact that I'll never deserve him, never get to have him. He has a girlfriend. Surely he'll never want me. Anyway, I have Emmett. But does Emmett want _me_?

I roll over, facing away from Emmett. I don't want to look at him snoring and dreaming while I think of another man. It makes my chest hurt, like a dull knife twisting in my heart, until I can't take the pain anymore. Surely, deep down I know I deserve this pain and guilt for even thinking this way, but I can't help thinking that maybe I deserve something better, someone made for me, just for me.

The covers come over my shoulders as I wrap them around me tighter. I glance at the clock. Two in the morning. I force my eyes closed. I try counting sheep, anything. Sleep never comes.

I'm haunted by the bronze hair and green eyes. His lips that move so slowly when he talks. The way he says my name, or even a simple _yes_ or _no_. It feels so right yet wrong at the same time, imagining those same lips burning a trail up and down my body. Marking a path of where they have been and where they will go. Where I want them to go.

_This is so wrong of me,_ I think as I begin to push the sheets off myself. It looks like another night of no sleep. My legs swing over the side of the bed just as I feel Emmett's arm snake around my waist.

"Rose," he whispers softly.

Rose? Roses? He's dreaming about flowers?

His arms begin to pull me closer, so close to the point that we're spooning. He kisses the top of my head, and I listen to him exhale and inhale deeply. I run my fingers down his arm slowly around his fingers and slowly begin to move his arms from around my waist.

"Bella?"

Is he awake now? "Yeah, Em?"

"Why are you trying to move my arm and get out of bed?"

_Because, Em. I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking of your best friend. I can't be here._

I turn over to face him. I lick my lips and let my eyes close, and then look up to the ceiling. "I just can't seem to sleep lately, Em. I'm so tired, but I just can't relax." I sigh deeply and hope my eyes don't betray me.

Instead, I feel his lips press against mine. My eyes close, and I allow myself to fall into the kiss, allowing my lips to move with his. The kiss is purposeful, slow, deep. It's how I have wanted him to kiss me for so long. But now I want nothing more than to be kissing _Edward _this way. My stomach flips at this thought.

Emmett places his hand on my left shoulder, pushing me onto my back. His fingers brush my hair out of my face carefully as he kisses me, letting his tongue trace my bottom lip as he moves on top of me. He hovers over me, holding his weight on his elbows.

"So, will you allow me to make up for earlier? The shower, and every other time I fucked up this last week?"

_Could I really tell him no?_ My breath hitches in my throat as I stare up at him. His eyes are pools of lust, half closed. I watch his tongue slowly come out to lick his lips. _He wants me. _In this moment, I won't say no. I will allow myself to feel something, anything. If anything is left there at all.

My lips find his jawline, and I kiss my way up, nibbling lightly as I go. I reach his ear, sucking on the soft skin there. I trail my lips down his neck, where I bite him harder than usual. I know he loves it when I do that. I hear him whimper when I remove my lips from his neck.

I look up at him, and his eyes are boring into mine as he runs his fingers painstakingly slowly down my ribcage. His thumb moves up under my shirt, brushing across my skin. I bite my lip, closing my eyes, breathing in and out slowly.

_I will give in tonight. I want nothing more than to forget and get lost in Emmett. He wants me, and I want to melt with him completely._

"Just take my shirt off, Em. You're torturing me."

And there's that cocky smile of his that I need to see. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. My lips find his, and I kiss him deeply, running my tongue along his bottom lip. He parts his lips, opening up for me. He tastes sweet, familiar, but not entirely home to me like he used to. Our tongues meet, and my stomach begins to flutter.

My shirt is thrown to the floor as he kisses and nibbles his way down my neck to my collarbone, sucking right below the hollow of my neck, right where he knows I like it. I moan softly, closing my eyes. I trail my fingers down his back, letting my finger trace his spine.

"Bella, that wasn't at all fair."

I look innocently up at him, playfully batting my eyelashes. "What, Emmett? I didn't do anything that you know you didn't like. Now, I believe you have something to attend to." I push up against him, feeling how hard he is under his shorts, and he hisses at the contact.

"Again with the teasing," he growls.

"Just kiss me and do what you planned to do. I really do plan to get some sleep," I say playfully as I spread my legs, allowing him to come closer.

"You really don't like to play fair, do you?"

"Nope," I say, popping the _p_ louder than usual.

His fingers find their way down my waist to the top of my pajama pants. "These, Bella, must come off _now_."

I lift my hips, allowing him full access to pull them off. "And these too." He winks at me as he slides my underwear off as well.

"Something is wrong with this, Em. You have way too much clothing on, and that is just not fair. Now who's not playing by the rules?"

"Bella, baby, when do I ever play by the rules?"

I yank on his boxers, pulling them down as I kiss his soft but slightly chapped lips, biting as I do so. I feel him rub up against me, teasing me. I whimper in reaction.

His lips move down lower, across my shoulder, down my arm, then across my chest. His lips skim across my now erect nipple, making me moan softly and push up against him, which in turn elicits a soft moan from him. I know I have him right where I need him now.

The warmth of his mouth on my right nipple as he sucks and licks only drives me higher in my bliss. I whimper when he moves his lips and begins to kiss his way down my body. His tongue circles my belly button before he continues on, placing open-mouthed kisses across my hips and down my legs, completely bypassing the one place I want him the most. My breath hitches, and I close my eyes as his lips lightly skim over my clit, but he moves quickly over to my other leg, where he places more kisses._ Yes, he's teasing. God, such a damn tease. _

Emmett's fingers glide up my legs until he reaches my middle. Slowly, he runs his thumb across my clit, then down into my folds, not deep, just enough to tease. And _God_, does it feel good. I watch his eyes devour my body, moving down to my center. He licks his lips, and I stop breathing, anticipating what happens next. His tongue moves up my wet center, teasing my folds up to my clit. A moan escapes me, and I bite my lip.

He continues licking, sucking, gently grazing his teeth across my delicate, wet skin. I whimper as I feel two fingers slowly make their way inside me, softly toying with me, pumping in and out. When my legs start to tremble, he removes his fingers.

"Not yet, baby."

Those warm, soft lips of his make their way up to mine again, and I can taste myself, my wetness on his lips. I lick his bottom lip and slip my tongue into his mouth, kissing him deeply. His hands go to my waist, gripping tightly as he pushes into me. We both moan, eyes closed.

The further he pushes in, the louder we moan. He feels so deep. _ This should be home for you, Bells. It should feel like home_. I kiss him as he starts to slowly thrust in and out. I feel myself getting wetter with each deep thrust.

"Mmmh..God, Ed--" _Oh, God. _ "_Emmett_, feels so, gah, mmh...good."

The pace picks up, and I push up against him with each thrust, meeting him each and every time. Our breaths quicken, becoming shorter and more urgent.

"Bella, mmm... God, I don't think--"

"Em, just fuck me."

He shakes his head vigorously as he starts to thrust faster, harder. His lips find their way to my nipples again, sucking, flicking his tongue across them as he pushes into me.

The tightness in my stomach begins to give way, and I know it won't be much longer. Emmett spreads my legs further apart, bending my knees at his sides as he pounds into me, our moans betraying us and becoming louder. I feel him twitch. He's close too.

"Let go, Em."

I push up against him hard as he comes back down to thrust again. His eyes roll back as he lets out a deep, throaty moan.

With the last thrust, I lose it, lose control and just let go. My moans fill the room as my orgasm rips through me. My legs go limp. Emmett thrusts into me again, and he shudders against me, grunting, moaning as his orgasm washes over his body.

"Oh, Ro-- Bella, God! Unh...so good."

He collapses against me, our breaths becoming slower as we both come down. He kisses me as he remains quiet, rolling over to his side once again. I get out of bed to clean myself up and get dressed again.

I make my way back to the bed, not wanting my heart or mind to betray me right now. Right now I just need sleep. That's all I want. No complications, no thinking, no second guessing anything. Nothing but the darkness staying until the light.

My alarm startles me awake. Some newscaster's boring voice blares through the radio. I turn over to face Emmett's side. It's empty. Grabbing my robe, I make my way to the bathroom, turning on the shower and stepping in. The warmth of the water wakes me up slowly but surely.

I get dressed for the day, going about my regular routine. Just as I'm stepping out the door, the house phone rings. I go back to the counter and pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Uh..." I'd know that voice anywhere. He's hesitating. "Hey, Bella, is, um, Emmett there?"

"No. Sorry, Edward, he just left not too long ago."

"Oh, I just needed to talk to him. I tried his cell, but it went straight to voicemail. I hope you don't mind me calling so early."

"Not at all-- don't be silly."

We say our goodbyes, and I hang up the phone. I take a deep breath in, grab my keys, and head out the door.

I instantly miss his silky, smooth voice. I regret instantly hanging up the phone when I really wanted to talk to him more, to hear his voice more.

For now, I will take what I can get, even if it's hardly anything at all.

**

Let us know what you think of this! We always want to know what you, the readers are thinking. Any theories?

Thanks again for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Here is chapter 5! I hope you all enjoy! Thanks for all the reviews and everyone that takes the time to read this!**

**I own nothing, SM owns it all.**

"_She wants to be with me_

_I wanna be with you_

_You wanna be with him_

_Nobody wins"_

_~Nobody Wins, by The InLaws_

**EPOV**

It's Thursday afternoon, and I'm on my way to meet Kate at Starbucks. I called her earlier to ask her to dinner this weekend, and she happened to be studying at the coffee shop and asked me if I'd like to hang out for a bit. All my lessons are finished for the day, and I'm not meeting the guys for practice til later this evening, so I figure it'll be fun to meet her for a bit.

I pull into the parking lot and automatically spot her sitting at one of the outside tables, enjoying the bright sun and the light breeze. She's wearing a pair of very short shorts, and I allow my eyes to slide slowly up her long, lightly tanned legs.

She looks up with a big smile and slips off her sunglasses. "Edward!" She greets me by standing and throwing her arms around my neck. I hug her back and smile as I inhale the faint trace of her perfume.

"How are you?" I ask, pulling up a chair to sit next to her. "Lots of studying to do?"

"Not too bad." She shrugs. "Anatomy sort of comes naturally to me." Then she giggles and winks, and my jaw drops a little bit.

I don't know what to say to that, so I tell her I'm going in to grab a coffee and ask her if she needs anything. I come back out a few minutes later with an iced coffee and take my seat again.

"So how has your week been?" I ask.

"Pretty great, actually. I got an A on a test, and I'm all caught up with homework and stuff."

"That's awesome. So you'll be free for a date this weekend, then?" I ask her with a lopsided smile. A strand of hair blows gently across her face as she grins somewhat shyly at me.

"Of course," she says. "There's nothing else I'd rather do." I reach forward to brush the soft hair back behind her ear, and I remember doing that to Bella last weekend. My pants are suddenly a little tighter.

I hear a quiet gasp and look up to see _her_ standing there. "Bella," I breathe. She looks tense. I wonder if she's had a rough day.

Kate leans a bit closer to me and puts her hand over mine and squeezes. "Hi, Bella," she says cheerily.

"Hi, Kate, Edward," Bella says, and she sounds a little choked up.

"Are you okay, Bella?" I ask. "You look like you've had a bad day." _Oh, great, way to go, fucker. Why don't you just offer up some eye cream for the bags under her eyes? _

She presses her lips together. "I..." She clears her throat. "I haven't been sleeping well lately. Hence, the coffee," she says, gesturing at the cup she's holding in her hand.

"I'm sorry. Is everything okay?" I ask again. I hate the thought of something being wrong with Bella. "You're not sick or anything, are you?"

"No, no. Nothing like that." She waves off my question. "How are you two doing?"

"Great!" Kate enthuses. "We were just making plans for our weekend."

"How's Emmett?" I ask, changing the subject. "Haven't really spoken with him this week."

"He's...fine," Bella says. "Are you coming over to practice tonight?"

"I am," I reply, nodding my head.

Bella nods her head as well, and there's a short silence. "Well," she says with a deep breath and a smile, "I've got to get going. Errands to run and stuff... I'll see you guys later."

"Bye, Bella! It was nice to see you again," says Kate.

"Hope you get some better sleep," I say. I want to give her a hug, but I don't dare with Kate sitting next to me clutching my hand. I'm supposed to be trying to get over her. I'm certainly not touching her in front of Kate. "Tell Em I'll be over around six, okay?"

She nods and walks off. I swallow the lump in my throat as I watch her go.

"Edward?" Kate whispers. I wince and look over at her, but she's giving me a sympathetic look. "I know this must be hard for you."

_She has no idea. _

"But remember what I said the other night, okay? That's all I'm asking."

I smile at her again and lean in to kiss her cheek. "Thanks for being so understanding."

She shrugs and squeezes my hand again. "I like you, Edward. It's easy to understand and trust when you like someone."

I'm at a loss for words. What am I doing? I'm suddenly really afraid that I'm going to hurt this girl, which is the last thing I want. She's a sweet person.

But she's insisted that she wants a chance, so I'm giving it to her. I really don't know if I'll ever get over Bella. There will probably always be a part of me that yearns for her. I hope Kate likes me enough to accept what I _can_ give her...

****************

Later that night I pull into Emmett's driveway to see Bella dancing away with her tap shoes on. I have to chuckle at the sight of her twirling and tapping and waving her arms around. As damn cute as she looks, she's no Ginger Rogers. I exit the car and grab my guitar case, then stand at the open entrance to the garage just watching her and smiling. The music coming from the small television ends on a crescendo, and Bella does a complicated-looking little stomping step and ends with her arms out in the air, like she's saying _ta-da!_

I clap my hands and whistle, and she jumps, startled, pulling her arms into her chest. "Edward!" she squeals. "You scared the crap out of me!"

"I'm sorry," I say, laughing. "You're getting good at that!"

"Psh." She rolls her eyes and clacks over to turn off the little TV and DVD player.

"No, really. You look great," I say pointedly. I offer her a soft smile, knowing she won't get the underlying meaning, but needing to tell her anyway.

"Thanks, Edward. You're sweet." She puts an arm around my waist and squeezes while we make our way into the house.

"Eddo!" Emmett yells when we walk in. Jasper and Alice are already there, and they're drinking sodas at the kitchen table. "'Sup, man?"

"Not a whole lot, what's up with you?"

"Same shit, different day," he says before he burps loudly.

Alice and Bella roll their eyes at each other, and then Alice's gaze moves to Bella's arm, which is still around my waist. I quickly step away to grab a bottled water from the fridge.

"So how's Kate?" Jasper asks, waggling his eyebrows at me. "She seemed to be really into you the other night."

"Yeah," I sigh. "She's nice."

"I saw the two of them having coffee today and looking awfully cozy," says Bella. _What is with that tone she's using?_

"Yeah," I repeat. "I met her for coffee. We're going out again this weekend."

"And how is Little Miss Art-is-Frivolous?" Alice asks snidely.

I chuckle and hug my sister. "She didn't mean it that way, Ali."

"Whatev. I'm not her biggest fan, anyway."

"I've noticed." I kiss the top of my sister's head.

"What's wrong with her, Ali?" Bella asks. She's busy pulling her hair up on top of her head.

"There's nothing _wrong _with her," I interrupt, but then I stop, because when Bella turns around, I notice a dark bruise on the back of her neck.

"Bells, I need your help with something!" Alice says, grabbing her hand and pulling her upstairs.

"Oh...okay..." Bella shrugs at us and waves as she's dragged up the stairs by her smaller best friend.

Emmett and Jas are busy tuning their guitars, and I'm fairly certain that I'm the only one that saw what just transpired. My brows knit together in concern. Yeah, Bella's clumsy. She's always getting bruises and not realizing it or remembering where they came from. But how does someone get a bruise like that on the back of their neck and not notice?

I watch Emmett carefully, but he's blissfully unaware of anything going on around him. _No...Alice would tell me if something was going on...right? He loves her. He wouldn't...would he? _

I've known Emmett for a long time. He'd never hurt a woman intentionally. I shake those thoughts from my head and pull my acoustic guitar out of its case and tune up. Ben comes in a few minutes later, and the four of us go back out to the garage to work on some new tunes.

****************

I'm knocking on Kate's door again a week later to pick her up for our fourth date. I give a low whistle when she appears. She's wearing a short, fitted, black strapless dress and _very_ high heels. Her hair is down and full, and her eyes are made up all dark and smoky. Simply put, she's _sexy as hell. _

"You like?" she asks with a grin.

"I do," I tell her, leaning in to peck her on the lips. If I do anymore than that, we might not leave the house. That's how hot she looks. She's the first girl I've thought of this way since I met Bel-- _Don't! Don't think of her. Kate. Look at Kate. Fuuuck, she looks good enough to eat. _

I snicker at my internal thoughts and take her hand to lead her out to my car. The plan for tonight is a nice dinner for two, then a night of clubbing with our friends. Afterthought doesn't have any gigs this weekend. We planned it that way. It's Jasper's birthday, and he wants to celebrate it right.

Throughout dinner, Kate and I talk and flirt and touch innocently. When we're back in the car, she crosses her ankles and angles her knees toward me. She reaches over and places my hand on her bare knee. I leave it there, even though I gulp silently.

Everyone else is already at the club when we arrive. Handshakes and hugs abound, and Kate and I make our way to the bar for drinks. After a bit of socializing and drinking, I ask Kate if she wants to dance. She nods and pulls me out to the dance floor, winding her arms around my neck as I pull her to me. We start to move together to the sexy beat, my hands flat against her back. We dance for a while before going back to our table to have more drinks, and before I know it, I'm feeling pretty buzzed. I drag Kate back to the dance floor, and we're dancing even closer this time.

"You look so beautiful," I slur slightly, my hands gliding down to her hips and pulling her flush against my body. She giggles. "This sexy little dress is killing me, y'know."

"Oh, really?" She giggles some more and brings her lips close to mine.

"Oh, yes," I say as I lean in and touch my lips to hers. The kiss turns heated pretty quickly, and I'm extremely turned on.

When we break apart, I see the other girls dancing their way toward us. Alice grabs Kate's arm and brings her into their circle while I stand there laughing. Alice must be feeling tipsy, too, because she can't stand Kate.

"Edward!" Bella squeals and throws her arms around me. She's _definitely _drunk. She's dancing with me then, turning around and pressing her body to me, wriggling around, which turns me on even more. I mean, come on, it's Bella. I groan internally. I'm sure she can feel my erection against the small of her back, and I find out quickly that I'm right. She turns around again and leans in to whisper. "Why, Edward, that Kate is one lucky girl." Then she giggles loudly, throwing her head back.

I grin crookedly and want badly to tell her that it's all for her. I have to wonder if I've said it aloud, because she blinks rapidly a few times and her smile falls a bit. But I know I haven't uttered a word since she started dancing with me. Before she has a chance to say anything, Emmett comes up behind her and grabs her, pushing his face into her neck. "C'mon, baby. Dance with me."

He pulls her away, and Kate stumbles back over to me. I beam down at her, taking into my arms, and resuming our kiss right where we left off before. "Let's get out of here," I say lowly into her ear.

****************

We tumble into my apartment half an hour later. I had to hail a cab since we'd both had too much to drink to be able to drive. Ben said he'd drive my car to my place later, since he was designated driver of the evening.

But now Kate's hands are in my hair as my hands are on her hips, holding her firmly against me and backing toward my bedroom. She pulls my shirt over my head, and I attack her neck with open-mouthed kisses, making her moan my name. I find the zipper on the side of her dress and pull it down slowly. She takes a step back and pushes the dress down to the floor, and suddenly she's completely naked except for the black high heels.

"Fuck," I groan.

"Yes," she whispers, stalking toward me with a smirk. Her hands are at my belt, undoing it quickly, flicking the button and zipper of my pants open and pushing those down too, along with my boxer briefs. I toe my shoes and socks off and step out of the pants, and then I'm all over her.

I guide her back to my bed and lay her down gently before climbing over her and hovering, placing wet kisses over her collarbones and chest, taking a pert nipple into my mouth and sucking and licking and _ohmyGOD _her hands are on me then, softly stroking up and down over my cock. She flips me over onto my back, and positions herself between my legs, not hesitating as she takes me into her mouth.

My head falls back against the pillows. Her mouth is warm and wet and soft, and _shit, it's been too long and I'm going to come if she doesn't stop that right now but oh God, it feels amazing..._

Thankfully, she crawls back up my body, dragging her tongue up my abdomen and chest until she reaches my mouth again, and we kiss feverishly. "Edward," she groans as my fingers find their way between her thighs and feel the wetness that's gathered there. "Need you inside me," she whimpers. I roll her over and position myself at her entrance.

I push in slowly, and we both groan. I give us both a moment to adjust before moving back slightly as I kiss down her neck. "Oh, _God_," she gasps. "You feel amazing."

We're moving together, hands grasping, lips searching, teeth grazing, and very soon after we began, her breath is coming in short pants. "It's been so long," I grunt. "I don't know if I can--"

"I'm so close, Edward," she whispers. I switch the angle of my thrusting, and she arches her neck back. I trail my lips up her chest while she gasps for breath. "Oh, God. I'm--I'm coming, Edward. Oh, _Oh!_ Yes!" She clenches around me, pulsing while she practically screams out in pleasure.

I bury my face in her neck. I see her soft brown hair and think of Bella, and it's all over with. The waves of pleasure thunder through me. _Bella. _"Kate," I moan into her hair. "Unh...fuck!"

I slow my stroking as we alight, coming down from our respective highs, and I realize how fast this all happened. I pull back to look her in the eye, but she only looks incredibly satisfied and sleepy. I kiss her deeply on the mouth before rolling off of her and gathering her into my arms. She presses her back against me, cuddling up for sleep.

"That was amazing," she says, turning her head to kiss me once more. "Good night, Edward."

"Good night," I whisper into her ear before planting another soft kiss there. _Bella. _

****************

**BPOV**

I haven't felt the same since the last night Emmett and I had sex. I can't put my finger on why. We both enjoyed it, but it felt like we were only scratching an itch that just keeps coming back, pushing down feelings and just taking the fleeting pleasure. That's not how I want lovemaking to be. I've always wanted it to mean something, not to be the means of getting rid of being horny, trying to forget someone you can't seem to forget.

Thinking of Edward in that moment was wrong on so many levels. I feel guilty about it, but at the same time it felt right to think of him. I don't know--I just can't explain it. I must be crazy. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I give up on trying to rationalize my actions. I have come to the conclusion that I will never be satisfied. Who's to say that even if I had Edward, I wouldn't want someone else? So I give up.

Ever since that night things between Em and me haven't exactly been the best; in fact, it's probably been worse. He's been away from home more than usual. I've only seen him maybe once or twice in the last few days. Even then the words were very few and far between. It's seemed like I've been waking up just as he's gone to bed each night this week. I realize he is busy with work, but honestly I don't think he can be working that much and that late. But what can I do about it? I'm afraid to say anything. Afraid of provoking his temper, which flares to the extreme when he's on edge.

Then there is Edward with his calm demeanor, gorgeous green eyes, kissable lips, sex hair... I could stare at that boy for hours and never get enough of him. But no matter how attracted I may be to him, I can't do anything about it. I don't know why it bugs me that he has a girlfriend. Kate seems like a nice girl. She's pretty and probably smart since she's going to be a doctor someday. Edward deserves to be happy. Why would I have contempt for anything that is good for him? I have Emmett, after all. Still, I can't help but feel like I could offer Edward so much more, that he could give me so much more.

Then there's the lack of sleep. With all of my wavering between Emmett and Edward along with my own internal demons, sleep hasn't come easily at all. My brain is occupied almost every second of every day with thoughts of Edward. It's breaking my heart to be so torn.

I work better if I just shut myself down, pushing everything I feel to the back of my mind. It's worked in the past, but that doesn't seem to be helping these days.

So here I am on a coffee run during my break from work. My work is the only true constant in my life, and it usually keeps my brain occupied. This week has obviously been a different story.

I take my coffee from the barista and get my car keys at the ready. I walk out the exit and, lo and behold, there's the object of all this pent-up desire. A gasp escapes my lips without my permission, because he's there with Kate, brushing the hair out of her face like he did to me last weekend. My heart wrenches. It had felt like a touch meant only for me, but apparently it was a common thing for him to do.

Edward's head snaps up, and my name falls from his lips. I only know this because I've watched his mouth form my name so many times. I don't actually hear him, because my heart is thundering in my ears. I'm brought back to life by Kate's obvious claim-staking as she leans toward Edward and grabs his hand. "Hi, Bella!" she says happily.

"Hi, Kate, Edward." I only hope he doesn't notice my strained voice and hard face. I'm trying to not let the hurt show. Hurt is the last thing you should feel when you see a good friend happy. I just can't stand to see him with her. It hurts because it should be me and not _her_.

Edward asks me if I am okay, if I've had a bad day. How do I answer that? Tell him "Yes, because I want you in ways I shouldn't"? That I'm not happy? Should I tell him how Emmett and I seem to never see each other, and when we do barely talk or sometimes fight? All I can muster up is the sorry excuse of lack of sleep and point to my coffee.

I want nothing more than to get out of here, away from her. She represents everything I'm not, everything I don't have. We go about our short conversation. I know that no matter what I say, Edward knows something's wrong. I'm open book, after all, formerly carefree and happy. Now I'm sure I'm broadcasting my sadness, discomfort, not to mention lack of sleep to the world. He knows something is up.

****************

Work goes by unusually fast. Meetings fly by, trips to the copier and phone calls keep me on my toes. By the time I make it out to my car, I'm exhausted. I slide down in my seat, sighing to myself as I close my eyes. My phone beeps just as I stick my keys in the ignition. It's a text from Emmett.

_B, Hurry home, need to talk.~ Em_

I start the car and send a text back, letting him know I'm on my way. His Jeep is parked in the driveway, and I pull up beside it. The guys are practicing in the garage tonight. I grab my bag and hurry inside. I lay things down on the counter and grab a glass of water, then turn around to find Emmett standing in the doorway.

"Hi," I say quietly.

He moves toward me slowly, his eyes trained on my face. He takes his jacket off and rolls his shirt sleeves up to his elbows.

"Bella, why do I feel like you're pulling away from me? I don't like it."

I swallow a sip of water while I think of my reply. "I don't know why you think I'm pulling away from you. Maybe if you were around more, not working so much, not busy with your band and actually had time for me, maybe your guilt wouldn't eat at you. Maybe then you wouldn't feel the need to blame me."

Emmett closes his eyes, inhaling deeply as he steps closer. "You're just as busy as I am," he says, and I can tell he's trying to keep his temper even.

"No, I'm not, Em, but you keep telling yourself that." I grab my glass of water as I try to push past him, but he grabs my wrist tightly, spinning me around to face him. "Let go of me now, Emmett."

"Bella, this isn't my fault. Shit happens. You need to just get over it."

"It just doesn't work that way for me, Emmett. Especially when the one you think loves you does nothing but ignore you!"

Emmett looks like he's seeing red, and the next thing I know I'm being pushed into the cupboards. I hit the one that has a shelf under it, my head banging against it. He grabs me roughly behind the neck. "You need to stop with the backtalk!" he growls.

"Shit, Emmett, that hurts! Leave me alone!"

I wrench free of his grasp and run upstairs to the bedroom, locking the door behind me. I can feel the tears stinging my cheeks. I wipe my face after changing into some more comfortable clothes. I curl up on the bed and wait for the tears to stop. A short while later, I hear Emmett coming up the stairs. He raps lightly on the locked door.

"Bells, let me in. I'm so sorry. I'm just really stressed." He knocks again. "Forgive me?"

I open the door, and he takes me gently into his arms. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, baby. Are you okay?" It's always like this. His temper gets the best of him, but once he has a chance to calm down, he's all sweet and loving, if only for a short time. I nod as he strokes my hair, not bothering to tell him that he's hurting the now tender spot on the back of my head.

We leave it at that. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to forget about it.

Instead I go out to the garage and turn on the TV and DVD player and put in my tap dancing DVD. It's the perfect way to de-stress and work out frustrations. I go about learning a new routine and trying desperately to not fall on my ass. I really don't need a bruise there too, of all places.

I am so into my dancing that I don't even hear a car pull up.

I jump when I hear Edward clap, a little embarrassed that he's caught me trying to tap dance once again. We exchange hellos, and I wrap an arm around his waist, bringing him closer, inhaling his scent. When I'm close to him, it just feels right. I don't want to let go.

We make our way into the house. The boys bump fists, and I roll my eyes, which causes Alice to giggle. I flash a smile and she winks. Emmett, being the loud ass that he is, burps, which causes Alice and me to both roll our eyes this time.

Jasper asks about Kate, and I can feel my blood boil over with jealousy. I don't want to hear about her. I bring up me seeing the two of them at the coffee house, I am sure my voice is laced with jealousy. Alice looks over at me, smiling and mouthing the words: are you okay? _No, Alice I am not_.

I look down at the floor, avoiding looking at anyone for fear that they'll see the tension on my face at the mention of Edward's new girlfriend. The conversation stays on Kate and Edward. I tune most of it out but notice that I am not the only person that doesn't seem to want to hear about Kate. It's very rare for Alice to not like someone. She always likes everyone. Kate must have done something to irk her.

"What's wrong with her, Ali?" I ask as I pull my hair up on top of my head. Edward, of course, defends Kate.

Suddenly, Alice pipes up about needing my help with something upstairs. She grabs my hand and pulls me quickly from the room, her eyes conveying a message of, "you're coming with me, or else."

Alice opens up my bedroom door and drags me inside.

"Alice, shouldn't I be the one pulling you into my room? Not the other way around?"

"Bella, sit. Now."

I sit down on the side of the bed, knowing she's serious. I also have a feeling that I know what this is about. I hear the soft strumming of a guitar downstairs, and my thoughts go immediately back to Edward. I toy with the drawstring of my pants while I wait for her to talk.

"You better tell me what's going on. You never keep things from me, ever!"

I nod. "I know, and I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say, Ali."

Alice sighs and points to the back of her own neck, and I realize what she's seen. "You can tell me anything, you know this!"

"Alice, it was nothing-- just a little fight. We haven't had a lot of time together lately, and we're both just extremely stressed." I bite my lip, hoping that this answer will satisfy her enough.

"Then how do you explain this?" She runs her finger across the back of my neck, making the bruise that is now forming throb a little bit.

"Emmett doesn't know his own strength sometimes. You know his temper. It was just an accident. Look, Alice, I know you love me and worry about me. But I can and will take care of myself."

Alice sighs but knows that the point is moot, because I'm not budging. "Please, just promise me that you wouldn't keep yourself in a bad situation."

I smile at her and we hug and get comfortable on the bed to watch some television. After a few bad sitcoms, we go back down to the garage, where the boys are just wrapping up practice. I watch as Edward puts his guitar away, but a chill runs up my spine as I watch him exchange a worried glance with his sister. They never keep secrets.

****************

One year ago, I never would have thought Emmett would push me or harm me in _any_ way. If I were a stronger Bella, I wouldn't be with Emmett anymore as of one week ago. But here I am at his side. Things have been pretty calm since the little incident in the kitchen last week. We're, out with our friends, celebrating Jasper's birthday, me pretending that everything is great in my life.

Emmett runs his hand up and down my leg as we sit at a table in a dance club. The conversation and drinks flow. I'm pretty sure we're all enjoying a good buzz, I'm sick of watching Kate and Edward flirting. Alice pulls me out of my seat and drags me toward the dance floor.

"You okay, Bells?" she asks.

I nod as I sway my body to the music. She kisses my cheek and smiles. "You know I love ya, right, B?" If anyone is like a sister to me, it's Alice.

Edward and Kate make their way to the dance floor. After a bit, Alice pulls Kate over to dance with her, which makes me think she's up to something since she's made it clear that she doesn't especially care for Kate. Alice nudges me subtly toward Edward. I yell out his name and dance my way over to him, throwing my arms around his neck. He smiles, and we dance for a bit. I turn in his arms and back up against him. I feel his lips moving against my hair as if he's said something. He pulls me closer and moves his hips with mine, and I'm pretty sure I feel his erection pressing against my back. _Is this turning him on? God, I hope it's me that's doing that for him. Oh, how I wish_. I must be imagining it. I turn and give him my best sexy look, the liquid courage coursing through my veins. He looks at me sheepishly, and I smile and giggle, telling him what a lucky girl Kate is.

He gives me that amazing crooked smile of his, and my own smile falters as I blink dumbly at his reaction. Then I feel someone grab my hand and bury his face in my neck. "C'mon, baby. Dance with me," Emmett slurs. He drags me away and starts grinding up against me. It does nothing for me. I feel out of place now, out of rhythm with the music. I was happy with Edward, and now I'm just going through the motions. I look over at Edward as he dances with Kate. They're laughing and back to flirting. I miss all that. I feel deprived when it comes to that. Emmett will simply never understand.

A few minutes later, I see Edward whisper into Kate's ear and pull her off the dance floor toward the exit. Suddenly I don't feel like dancing and drinking anymore. I just want to go home. Emmett and I wish Jasper a happy birthday once again and give out hugs and kisses before we stumble out of the club and make our way home. Another night over with, but it's another night without Edward.

Thanks for reading! Now, make our night by leaving us a review! For those interested this story is now available up on Twilighted now too!


End file.
